Last night before bed we prayed that God would allow us to paint a picture with our marriage that encourages, strengthens, affirms, and challenges others to put + keep God at the center of theirs. Truth be told, that vision of a masterpiece that we have in our hearts + minds sometimes feels more like a dull and muddied mess. Stress. Fatigue. Disappointment. Unmet expectations. Good luck trying to find a picture on social media that makes any of those marriage traits look appealing.

Your Mom and I are so excited to meet you! We have been counting down the days until we can finally cradle you in our arms, rock you to sleep, kiss your cute little cheeks and even change your diaper (and speaking of diapers, I’ve never changed one before so you better make them good!). Before you arrive, I thought I would share some truths that I hope will help guide you through this crazy, beautiful, and sometimes stinky thing called life.

You are an answered prayer. You are literally a miracle to us. Your Mom and I were starting to doubt if we could have children, but God answered our prayers in a mighty way when we learned we would soon have a daughter. The news of you took our faith in God to a deeper place, and I expect that will be even more true when you arrive. Your life will be full of ups, downs and unknowns, but I hope you always remember to seek God even when the odds are against you, when the road gets rough or when you feel like you’re losing hope.

Your family loves you. Did you know there are 589 brands of breakfast cereal? I tell you this to prepare you for the many choices you’ll be given in life. The one thing you cannot choose, however, is your family. Thankfully, you’ve hit the jackpot with Nana, Bapa, Gigi, Papa, and many others who already love you deeply. I hope you always remember that while you cannot choose your family, you can always choose to love them and I hope you always will.

You will make mistakes. Willow, there are two big lies that this world will make you believe. The first lie is that you need to be perfect, but that’s simply not true. Mistakes are one of the best ways we learn in life. When you fall short, don’t let the sting of disappointment prevent you from getting back up and pressing forward. Your Mom and I are far from perfect, so I hope you always remember that you’re not alone when it comes to making mistakes. We will always, ALWAYS love you (even through the “terrible twos”).

Your beauty comes from inside. The second big lie is that beauty can be measured by the numbers on a scale, the size of your clothing, or the amount of likes you get on social media. As a guy, I can’t say I fully understand the insecurities many girls feel when it comes to their self-image, but those feelings you may someday battle are a result of our culture’s obsession with women’s outward appearance. As your Dad, I promise to show you what real beauty looks like by raising you to value qualities such as gentleness, respect, humility, kindness and compassion. When I first saw your Mom, my knees buckled and I could hardly speak. She was (and still is) the most beautiful girl I had ever laid eyes on, but as time passed and she opened her heart to me, my attraction for her reached depths I never knew were possible. I hope you always remember to seek after that kind of beauty for yourself and in others. And speaking of mama…

Your Mom is an AMAZING role model. She is incredibly smart, loyal, trustworthy, and encouraging. She is a hard worker and a leader. She is trusted and respected, and her kindness and compassion seem limitless. Her desire to be like Jesus is her best quality, and she is loved by many because of how she loves others. I hope you always remember to surround yourself with people like your Mom.

You can make a difference. Willow, there are no limits to what you can accomplish in this world, but my prayer is that no matter what you chase after, it is rooted in truth and love that can only be found in a relationship with Jesus. Our world can be a dark place, but I hope you always remember to be a beacon of light to others because that is truly the purpose for which God has created you.

I love you and I can’t wait to see you shine.

“You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.” Matthew 5:14-16

Love,
Dad

Photos by The Malicotes

Matt and Kelsey, words aren’t enough to express our gratitude for your friendship,
and thank you from the bottom of our hearts for these treasured images.

]]> 1057 https://theworthens.org/2016/11/5-things-about-marriage/ Wed, 23 Nov 2016 21:25:59 +0000 http://theworthens.org/?p=985 With Thanksgiving approaching, it’s nearly impossible not to think about what I’m most thankful for. I’d say this year, my “most thankful” thing is the miracle God has given us inside my belly! But, as I think about my life in general, the last six years have proven to give me many thankful moments as well as some “God, show me why I should be thankful” moments.

Ryan and I have shared lots of joyful times in our marriage. Without a doubt, he is the best thing that has ever happened to me, aside from my relationship with Jesus. I’m a complex person who desires to be loved deeply and…he does that (more than I ever thought anyone was capable of, actually), but we’ve also had some not-so-pretty moments in our marriage.

I wanted to share some things I feel I’ve learned along the way and I’d have to say, I’m pretty thankful that God allowed me to experience these times of growth with Ryan. I don’t have all the answers, but I do know I’ve learned a lot in these last six years and a lot of it had to do with learning that I don’t have to be perfect.

1. He can’t read MY mind.

It was our first year of marriage and Valentine’s Day was approaching. To me, the ideal gift would be a card and some pretty flowers. I would take a handwritten note or card over any gift, any day! I just feel there’s so much thought and effort that goes into writing someone and it means the world to me when people take the time to do that. I can remember actually telling Ryan not to buy me anything for Valentine’s Day our first year as a married couple, that the day was over advertised and I didn’t need anything. My thought was, “He’ll read my mind and know that deep down inside I want flowers and a card.”

Well, Valentine’s Day approached and…no flowers. No card. I was disappointed to say the least.

Ryan acted shocked when he realized I was upset. Friends, I am here to tell you that guys can’t read your mind, so if you’re hoping for something or wanting something, TELL HIM! I will say Ryan is an incredible gift-giver and always keeps me on my toes, but sometimes there are things I need from him and instead of hoping and wishing he’ll read my mind, I’ve learned I just need to communicate those desires to him. This isn’t just for gifts, it goes for anything! Unrealistic expectations leave you disappointed, frustrated and upset. This isn’t fair to your significant other or any other person that encounters your disappointment, so don’t be afraid to communicate!

2. Grace, not perfection.

For a good chunk of our married life, I strived to be perfect. Not just a perfect wife, but perfect in every single aspect of my life. Anything less than perfection wasn’t okay with me. I even imposed this mindset of perfection on other people…especially Ryan. Not for one second has Ryan expected perfection out of me; this is a pressure I’ve placed on myself.

I read two books earlier this year: “For the Love” by Jen Hatmaker and “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brene Brown. Let me just tell you, God moved through me in incredible ways after reading these two books. Not only did I finally know and understand the freedom we have in Christ, but I finally let go of the person I thought I was supposed to be so that I could embrace the person God made me to be. I can give my best, do my best and be my best, and that’s all anyone ever expects. In moments where I feel less than my best, God shows us grace. Ryan shows me grace. Understanding this has taken so much pressure off our marriage and I’m not spending my days devaluing our less-than-perfect times together. Every day is a gift from the Lord and that in and of itself is God showing us grace.

3. Life is Messy.

Totally. Completely. Ryan has seen me at my best and my absolute worst. I have gone from being happy and laughing to crying and throwing a tantrum like a toddler in the next breath. I don’t think anything can ever fully prepare you for marriage and the experiences you go through. Life happens. And sometimes, that life is super-messy.

When I am weak, He is strong. Our Heavenly Father picks up our dirty, messy, nasty pieces and makes it into a masterpiece. Each story is unique. Each person goes through life’s ups and downs and that’s what makes us us. I told Ryan before we got married and even into our married life that my biggest fear would be for him to fall out of love with me. That maybe, just maybe, I would do something “messy” enough that would cause him to stop loving me. As many times as he told me how ridiculous that statement was, it wasn’t until I stopped and realized that God put Ryan into my life and that God will NEVER ever stop loving me.

Ryan allows the Lord to love through him and because of that, he loves me in incredible ways. Even on my worst of days, Ryan still loves me. Even when I’ve said or done some not-so-nice things, Ryan still loves me. There are some days when I don’t know how I can get out of what I’ve created to be a mess, but I remember the hope and faith we have in our Lord and I am reminded that everything can change with God’s help.

4. Prayer Changes Everything.

I could shout this from the rooftops. Just the other night Ryan and I got into what I’ll just call a little “tiff”. I felt unappreciated and he felt I was being stubborn. I stayed downstairs to watch a Hallmark movie and Ryan ended up falling asleep upstairs. I prayed that God would work everything out and that we’d wake up in the morning and both be able to apologize and put the stupid argument behind us. I steamed on the argument for a while, cried through the Hallmark movie and went to bed still feeling a little upset.

I woke up the next morning with a new perspective and Ryan did the same. We apologized to one another, hugged and moved on from the night before. I am 100% confident prayer changed that circumstance. It took me a long time to first go to the Lord whenever Ryan and I would argue or get in a disagreement about something. There have also been times when all I knew to do was pray about a situation and God has always come through for me.

In the moments where Ryan and I can’t seem to get past an argument, I pray. It may take some time, but it always works out and I believe Ryan and I walk away from those experiences stronger and better.

5. Good Things Come to Those Who Wait.

There were times that I thought I’d never get married. I dated a tiny bit in college, but I really struggled with trusting that God had someone for me. Despite my fears, I didn’t give up on praying for my future husband and when it was God’s perfect timing, I met Ryan. We dated a few years before getting married and I thought I knew everything there was to know about life and marriage, but it wasn’t until we were married that God allowed new experiences to shape me and help me understand how God truly sees me.

There have been several times in our marriage when we’ve both longed for something…for God to move and answer our prayers, but God delivers on His timing. We think we know what’s best for us, but He knows better. When things come easy, we often don’t appreciate it as much. In moments of waiting we develop, learn and grow and good things are usually the end result, even when the journey to get there can be hard and painful. I definitely don’t have all the answers about marriage, but I do know that Ryan was worth the wait. This baby in my belly was worth the wait. When we can’t seem to put the puzzle pieces together in our lives, we just have to wait and trust that God has an ultimate plan for good.

I love my life with Ryan. No, every day is not easy and marriage can be hard work. Ryan has always said, “What doesn’t come naturally must come intentionally.” We try to live with intention in our marriage. I love Ryan and I know he loves me. We’ve learned a lot in these last six years and I know the journey is only about to get sweeter. We love doing life with you all and Ryan and I would not be who we are today without the community of friends and family we have around us.

For that, we are truly thankful. Happy Thanksgiving, friends!

Self-captured family photos at Keeneland on November 18, 2012

Thankfully, my good friend Matt offered to help so I didn’t waste any time purchasing around 50 strips of wood from Home Depot. Initially, my plan was to hire someone to stain it, but after those plans fell through I decided to tackle the project myself.

I’ll be honest…I was not excited about the amount of work that would be required, but with each brush stroke, I started thinking about the little miracle that would soon be sleeping, playing, and growing up beside the new wall and my attitude quickly changed.

As I started to see my progress, I realized how rewarding the wall project was going to be once it was complete.

Recently I watched an interview with Chip and Joanna Gaines and realized how similar Brittany and I are to them (despite my complete lack of home improvement skills, of course). The couple absolutely adores one another, but they are sooooo different at the same time. Brittany and I can definitely relate.

It’s often said that “opposites attract” but sometimes, opposites also collide and explode into a million jagged little pieces. In our first year of marriage, when conflict would arise neither one of us would back down from the fight. It wasn’t pretty, and we quickly realized that when it came to communication in the midst of conflict, we were broken and in need of repair. We decided to seek the help of a Christian counselor to help us sort through areas of our lives that needed work, and it turned out to be one of the best things we’ve ever done for our marriage.

As we started to see our progress, we realized how rewarding our marriage could be if we continued to work on it.

We  started challenging each other to grow closer to God. We prayed together more consistently. We sought out ways we could serve others together. We opened up to friends about our weaknesses in marriage and life. And although we had moments where one (or both) of us were still selfish and stubborn, we exercised more patience with one another which led to even more positive changes in our marriage.

Our relationship today is so much stronger and more deeply rooted, but we also realized that no matter how hard we try, we will never reach a point where our marriage is free of conflict. We will never be able to fully understand what the other is thinking or feeling, and we will never meet each other’s needs and expectations completely.

Brittany and I will never have a perfect marriage.

But that’s okay because God didn’t design marriage to make us perfect.

Francis Chan wrote, “Marriage is one of the most humbling, sanctifying journeys you will ever be a part of. It forces us to wrestle with our selfishness and pride. But it also gives us a platform to display love and commitment.”

In a world where sin exists, conflict is a natural part of relationships…including marriage. God gave Adam and Eve a choice to follow His path or do their own thing, and after they made the wrong choice the dynamic of their relationship completely changed.

Brittany and I are no different than the first newlyweds. We’ve had plenty of moments in marriage where we’ve been hurt or disappointed by each other, and I’m convinced one of the main reasons we fall short is because we lose focus of why He created it in the first place.

I love what John Piper says about the purpose of marriage:

The ultimate thing we can say about marriage is that it exists for God’s glory. That is, it exists to display God. Now we see how: Marriage is patterned after Christ’s covenant relationship to His redeemed people, the church. And therefore, the highest meaning and the most ultimate purpose of marriage is to put the covenant relationship of Christ and His church on display. That is why marriage exists. If you are married, that is why you are married. If you hope to be, that should be your dream.

Simply put, our marriage exists to reflect God and point others to Him. There is no greater or more rewarding purpose in this life than to lead people to Jesus.

In my last blog post, I talked briefly about the process of being perfected (the Bible refers to this as “sanctification”), and what I’m learning with time is that no matter how hard I try, there will always be areas in my life that are under construction. Unlike a home renovation project, our work of self-improvement will never truly be “done” and the same truth applies to our relationships.

I’m happy to report that with Matt’s help, we finished the wall in record time and it turned out exactly as Brittany and I had hoped. It felt so great to take a step back when the project was complete and see the finished work, and I believe that’s exactly how we will feel when we reach heaven someday.

Complete.

Until then, just remember that there is no such thing as a perfect marriage because there are no perfect people. We have all sinned and fallen short, but once we realize we are in need of repair we can begin the process of drawing closer to God to work on us in the areas that need it the most. It might seem a bit intimidating at first, but once you and your spouse invite Him in to work on your marriage it will be one of the best things you will ever do.

Nursery Wall Timelapse

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwNW3DGKAY4

Behind-the-scenes photos

Here’s the empty room that will eventually be the nursery for Baby Worthen.

The first step was to apply Minwax White Wash stain to each wood board.

Matt brought over the tools to get the job done right. I am so grateful for his help and friendship!

We made sure to cut out a hole for the outlet.

Brittany used Matt’s nail gun to attach the stained wood planks to the studs.

We literally had the exact amount of wood remaining to fill in the bottom of the wall.

The finished product. We couldn’t be happier!

Stay tuned for Brittany’s blog post next week to see the wall in much better light!

When it came to having kids, that whole “I’m not getting any younger” phrase popped into my mind more often than I’d like to admit. I’m thirty-five years old (thirty-six later this month…woot woot!), and ever since Brittany and I got married in 2010 I told her that I was ready for kids whenever she felt ready. No pressure, right?!

Five years of marriage later, it wasn’t happening for us on our timeline and it started rocking our world. Brittany was convinced it was “her fault” even though we would eventually learn she was misdiagnosed by a doctor. Regardless, our struggle to get pregnant took an emotional, physical and spiritual toll on us.

In Brittany’s recent blog post, she wrote that “Surrendering a desire is one of the hardest things we can do because we’re admitting that God’s plans for us are better than our own.”

I started thinking about what it looks like for us to “surrender” something to God, and I realized that sometimes even Christians get it wrong.

Over the past several months, Brittany and I tried to remind each other that God is in control and things would happen in His time, but if we’re going to be brutally honest, there were moments where we questioned if He really wanted to give us the desires of our hearts. There were moments when we felt hopeless and wanted to “give up” on waiting. There were moments where we simply felt defeated.

When it comes to surrender, there is no greater example than what Jesus did for us on the cross. But in the most important story in the history of creation, there were three days in between Jesus’ death and resurrection.

Three very dark and hopeless days that we rarely talk about.

Can you imagine how the followers of Jesus must have felt? Do you think they had moments where they were waiting for a miracle but felt hopeless at the same time? Did they have moments where they felt defeated?

The Bible doesn’t tell us exactly why Jesus waited three days, but the fact is that He did so knowing that others’ faith would be challenged. Thankfully, we know the story didn’t end there. Jesus rose from the grave and was (and still is) victorious over sin and death.

How is it, then, that we as followers of Jesus still allow hopelessness to creep in?

I think the answer is simple: we’re not Jesus. Jesus was perfect. We are not. Our attempts to surrender our burdens can quickly give way to anxiety, fear, doubt and hopelessness, especially when waiting is involved. To put it simply, as long as we live in a world where sin exists, the line between surrender and defeat is often blurred.

Brittany and I are so excited for the miracle God is giving us with this child. We know that He answered our prayers, but we also have several friends who are crying out to God and wondering how much longer they will have to wait for a baby, a relationship, a job, etc. These friends are in a valley in their lives, and at times they feel defeated. While everyone’s story and struggles are different, our story of infertility is still fresh in my mind and my heart is heavy for others who are waiting for the Lord to move.

The past week or so I have been asking God to help me discern between that blurry line of surrender and defeat, and I recently came across two passages in the Bible that struck a chord in my heart.

John 16:33 says, “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world,” and in Philippians 1:6, Paul said, “…I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.”

God’s word tells us that when we’re facing a struggle and waiting on God, He is not only with us, but He is perfecting us. Isn’t that a beautiful thing to know that God cares about us so much that He is constantly working on us to make us a better version of ourselves? We may not always see it clearly, but when we put our faith in the Lord we can rest assured that He is with us and perfecting us even at this very minute.

The battle that Christians often refer to is not just between good and evil, but it’s also between surrender and defeat. As I grow older, I’m becoming more aware of the hurt, disappointment, discouragement and desperation others are feeling in our world and my heart aches when I think about the opportunities I missed to point others to Jesus. My pride, ignorance and selfishness sometimes creep in and gets in the way of the work God wants to do in me, but I also know that I serve a God who is perfecting me for the moment when our Savior returns.

Knowing that truth gives me great hope, even when the waiting is hard.

Here’s a time lapse video we shot while in Breckenridge, Colorado around the time we got pregnant.

You prayed. He answered.

Our last year and a half has been quite a journey with trying to start a family. I was told so many different things that were wrong with me and at one point, a doctor even told me that I needed to stop working out and gain weight to improve our chances of getting pregnant. I was baffled by this, but we chose to have faith despite what the doctor was telling me.

I know God led us to a new doctor who was “confident” we would be able to have children, and even though he gave us a list of routes we could take, Ryan and I had faith. Well, let me rephrase that. Ryan had faith to move mountains that we could try again one more time on our own before seeking more medical help.

You prayed. He answered.

The past year and a half has been full of doubt, fear and wrong thoughts about myself. I can remember many times just crying to Ryan saying there’s just something wrong with me. That it’s my fault we can’t have children. Time and time again, he reminded me that God had a plan. I knew this and I definitely know this now. The time of waiting is just so hard and unpredictable.

By the grace of God, I now have a miracle growing inside of me. A real miracle. I have shed so many tears thinking about all the prayers you have lifted up for us and for the outpouring of your love and support from my last blog post. And I can’t believe it, but when I wrote that last post, I was already pregnant. I had absolutely NO idea. I trusted that God had a reason for impressing upon my heart to be vulnerable and share our story.

A journal entry I wrote this summer has continuously echoed in my head: “Lord, I surrender my desires to you. Your will. Your way. Your timing.”

Surrendering a desire is one of the hardest things we can do because we’re admitting that God’s plans for us are better than our own. One way that we felt we could surrender was by simply sharing our story with others. I can’t say that we fully understand the heartache others have felt on their journey to start a family because everyone’s experience is different, but I do know that our burdens and disappointment became lighter when we opened up about our struggles.

We know and believe that God has a plan for you even if you don’t see it or believe it yourself. Yes, we know the waiting is hard, but the waiting is worth it when you let God be the author of your story.

So what’s going on in the Worthen household? Well…my emotions are a hot mess and I feel like I cry at the drop of a hat, especially at the Amazon Prime commercial where they put the lion mane on the Golden Retriever (yes, we totally bought Runner one for Halloween).

I texted Ryan earlier this week and said I was going to pray that Jesus would turn my mean switch off. You all. Pregnancy hormones are NO joke! Even thinking about writing this had me all weepy eyed. Besides the mood swings, random cravings and sickness (most often while in the car), everything has been going well and we finally found a new doctor who has been great.

Whether it’s a boy or girl, we feel the Lord has already given us names and we can’t wait to share with the world when the time is right! Thank you again from the bottom of our hearts for being alongside us in this journey. Thank you for lifting up so many prayers for us, and thank you for all the times that you reminded us to let go of control and trust God’s plans.

You prayed. He answered.

Photos below by our besties, The Malicotes.

Things have been crazy to say the least. The last few months have been full of work, work and more work. I am not complaining about this, as I know we have both chosen to fill our plates as full as they’ve been. I guess in one sense I didn’t expect this past year to be as busy as it was. We’ve both had an incredible amount to accomplish and have even put our marriage on the back burner a time or two, just so we could get things done. Sometimes I will just look at Ryan and tell him I miss him. Ha! We are both very career driven and have dreams of things we are both trying to work to accomplish. Working on my doctorate has proven to be incredibly time consuming, challenging and has pushed me to incredible limits. I strive to be perfect in everything I do and I think God has finally gotten a hold of me to sweetly tell me this just isn’t feasible, nor does it need to be. With the ten days we were gone, my time with Ryan and the Lord was so sweet and so needed.

My personality tends to be on the go…all the time. I am a rule follower to the T, have a hard time going against the grain and I definitely am on edge a lot. Ryan helps balance me out, but there are still things I know God is working on in me. One thing I felt from this week is the need to slow down and the need to surrender my desires to Him. I like to have control; I guess that’s just the teacher coming out in me. Sometimes I just want to chill out, but even thinking about that makes me nervous. Surrendering my desires to the Lord means I can’t have control over all of my life.

As you know, Ryan and I have been trying to start a family for a while now. In the last year and a half, God has been gracious in revealing to us both that this is about His timing, His will and His way. I was writing in my journal this week and finally just told the Lord, “Ok…I surrender my desire to have children to you.” This isn’t about me or about Ryan, this is about You and your timing. Your timing is perfect. Right here and now, I am choosing to believe that. No, I don’t spend days crying over this, but yes, there are times I feel disappointed or feel that something is wrong with me. For as long as I can remember, I’ve struggled with insecurities about myself. Even at 30 years old, I feel I constantly fight the devil with lies about how others see me and how I see me. Not being able to start a family like I thought we would has triggered those insecurities in a sense, feeling like there’s something wrong with me. So…again…this trip, our 10 days out west, was so good for my soul and I felt I reconnected with Ryan in such a sweet way.

A couple of months before we headed out west, Ryan had the idea for us to hire a photographer and do a fun photo shoot. I can’t even begin to tell you what an incredible experience this was. I know the Lord led us to Jennifer Morgan of Jennifer Morgan Photography. From the moment we started emailing, it was like I had known her my whole life. Meeting her in person sure didn’t disappoint from my first impression of her. We spent three hours trekking through Breckenridge, Colorado, taking pictures. I don’t trust myself with doing my own hair and makeup since I hardly ever wear any, but I wanted to do these photos “right.” I left the salon with more makeup on my face than I had worn in quite awhile, my eyes kept watering and my insecurities were raging because of how I felt I looked. But, as I take a minute and look at these pictures, I see the one my heart and soul loves. With every fiber of my being. Yes, I love Jesus. You know that. He is who lives in me and who I strive to live for. I also know that He blessed me with my incredible husband. Ryan is my world. He lights up my life, makes me feel complete and washes away all of my insecurities of feeling ugly, inadequate and not enough.

These pictures capture more than words could ever express. We were at our last spot taking pictures, the one where I’m in the white dress, and Jennifer told us she wanted us to create a first look moment. You know, just like on the wedding day where the groom sees his bride for the first time. Can I just tell you how AMAZING this moment was? Ryan got into position and I changed into the dress real quick. I walked down toward him and had him turn around. I cried. In that moment, my heart could have leaped out of my chest. This man loves me- unconditionally with no limits. A famous quote from Les Miserables says, “To love another is to see the face of God.” I see Jesus in him. And I feel, 1,000%, this man loves me like Jesus loves me.

Our time with Jennifer Morgan Photography was beyond our dreams. God’s creation is indescribable and it’s beyond me that anyone could ever doubt His existence. Our time out west was needed. So needed. We’re back feeling refreshed, more in love and even more trusting that God has a plan. I am who God has made me to be. I’m not where I want to be, but thank God I’m a work in progress. I think Ryan and I would both say we’re a work in progress. We love each other and there’s no doubt about that. And as far as my insecurities go, it’s amazing to me that when I take a step back and stop being selfish in order to see the needs of others, the focus is no longer on myself. I’m a girl. Of course, I am going to have my not so great days, but I realize that I’m never going to be the person God wants me to be if I keep thinking about myself in a way that’s wrong. Take that devil!

Here’s to love…because without it, what do we really have?

Photos by JENNIFER MORGAN PHOTOGRAPHY

As much as we try to be like ducks — smooth and unruffled on the top while padding furiously underneath — the past several months have been absolutely crazy for both of us. Between work and weddings and school and church and holidays, we often look at each other and ask the same question others often ask us: “How do you do it all?” The truth is, sometimes we just can’t. Sometimes we have to put things on the back-burner that have no business going there (friends, family, etc.), and this past year Brittany and I have been frequently reminding each other that we need to do a better job prioritizing and balancing our lives. We’re definitely a work in progress.

All that to be said, we need this break. Big time.

I, Brittany, choose you, Ryan, to be my husband. I will do my best to love you the way Jesus sacrificially loves me. I will trust you. I will ask God to give you wisdom as you lead us. I will follow you with humility. I will encourage you daily. I will respect you as a man. I will honor you as a child of the most high God. I will serve you and will serve with you. I will be your friend. I will challenge you to grow in your faith. I will hold you accountable to a high standard of purity. I will provide for you emotionally, physically and spiritually. I will forgive you and I will apologize to you. Our home will be my priority. I will be a Proverbs 31 woman. I will surround myself with Godly friends who make Godly decisions. I will have accountability in my life. I will hide God’s word in my heart daily. I will not criticize you. I will not compare you to other men. I will not cheat on you. I will love you for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until we are separated by death. As God as my witness, I give you my promise and I give you my heart.

Our vows were adapted from our pastor and friend, Jon Weece. If they inspired you, tell us in the comments below!

Photos by Jen Manor

Let’s just say that the last week of my life has been a complete whirlwind and my world has completely been turned upside down in the most amazing way possible.

Ryan has had quite the summer with work- working 15-20 hour days and planning and hosting 2 big events with his company. I love that he is so committed to his work, but was hating the limited phone conversations, texts, and date nights. I knew coming into the summer that it would be challenging, just because he would be so busy with work. Ryan was always great about calling me when he had the chance and seeing me when he could, but it was still hard. There is NEVER enough time spent with that boy.

So the week of July 26… Ryan is working his last big event with work. It was ending that Wednesday, the 28th. We had planned a week ahead of time to have a date night that Friday night, just ME and HIM. Of course, we planned to go to our favorite place, Hacienda (our favorite Mexican place in Lexington).

Tuesday, July 27: In the middle of the week I get a phone call from Mark, Ryan’s best friend. He called to tell me that he was coming into town that weekend and that he wanted to double date with his girlfriend, Ryan, and I. I was excited at the thought of this, but wanted it to be Saturday night. I was trying to make sure that Friday night was just me and Ryan. I was wanting to spend some good quality time with him and not share him with anyone else. I mean, it had been a good while since I had spent some good time with him. I found out also that day that Ryan had called another good friend, Jeff, who is also in Ryan’s Bible study. He called Jeff to ask him and his wife, Rhonda, to go out on a date with me, Ryan, Nicole, and Mark.

Ok, first…I was livid that Ryan would call Jeff and not me. He can call whoever he wants, but seriously, not when I haven’t had the chance to talk to him at all. If was too busy to call me, how was he not too busy to call Jeff?!? THEN, I found out that he had asked them to dinner and hadn’t really even discussed it with me. He asked everyone out on OUR date night. I was praying real hard for the Lord to help to overlook this. I loved that we were going to go out with our closest friends, but honestly, was a little upset that they were going to go out on “our” date night. I mean, why couldn’t we have done this on Saturday night or something. Anyways…I figured Ryan was just exhausted and wasn’t thinking clearly, and after talking long talks with my sister venting my frustration, she helped me to see that the Friday night date with the other 2 couples would be fun. Whatever.

July 28: Moving day for me. I was moving back to Wilmore that day. I had to go to Ryan’s house to pick up my stuff, because he was sweet enough to let me keep my things there for awhile until I could move back to Wilmore. I had seen Ryan the night before at one of the work events he had planned. It was good to see him, but I just got really sad at the end of the night. I hated the thought of having to leave him, AGAIN, and not getting to see him again until Friday night. And, was still a little peeved that our Friday night date night now included 4 other people.

I got to the house to get my stuff. In front of all my stuff was a letter that he had written me. I sat on the floor. I bawled. I read. I bawled some more. I read. The letter was absolutely precious. He talked about how he promised that he would make it up to me for working so much lately and just thanked me for being patient with him. He told me that he was ready for “us”, and ready for us to be together. Every word in that letter was exactly what I needed to hear. My “lividness” of the Friday night plans were gone and I couldn’t wait to see him.

Friday, July 30: I went to kickboxing that morning with Nicole. Then, we decided to go the pool all day since it was our last day of freedom before having to start work. We had fun all day just hanging out. We decided to carpool to dinner together, since we live close to each other. So, after the pool, I went home and got ready for dinner. I went over to Nicole’s so that we could ride together. We are pulling into the restaurant parking lot and I notice a black stretch limo in front of this Mexican restaurant. I am laughing to Nicole and saying, “Who would come to a Mexican restaurant in a stretch limo.” We pull into the parking place and Ryan’s best friend, Mark, came up to me and hugged me. I’m thinking why aren’t you going over to hug Nicole first? He pulls out from behind his back a single red rose and a card. I start freaking out because I have NO idea what’s going on. Mark pulls my arm, will not let go, and takes me to this limo. Mind you, I’m already red all over my face because I got severely sunburned from the pool that day. Then, more red on top of that because I’m having a spaz attack mixed with lots of blushing. I open the card and it says…
“Brittany, I promised I would make it up to you. Please just get in the limo and watch the DVD. I will see you in a few minutes. Ryan”

I still have no idea what is going on. You think I am joking…oh no! A proposal had not crossed my mind. There was absolutely no way he was going to propose because of how busy he had been with work. I’m still clueless.

I get into the limo (side note- Nicole had taken my cell phone away from me), and try to play the DVD. The first part of the DVD was a note written to me from Ryan. The music in the background was beautiful- the lyrics telling “our” story. I cry. I’m quite emotional at this point. This is the moment where I thought, MAYBE, this could be him setting up to ask me to marry him. The limo takes me to his house, where there are 50 dozen roses…yes, that’s 600 roses. The rose bouquets lined the driveway all the way to the front of the house. I walked and peeked in the front door… more roses, over 100 tea-lights lit, and our favorite song playing in the background. There he was waiting on me with his arms opened wide. He grabbed my hands and looked at me and told me that he had never been so sure of anything in his life. He has never for one moment doubted us. He got down on his knee and asked me to marry him. I said YES!!, grabbed his face and CRIED!! (But that’s not all…scroll past the pics for the rest of the story!)

Oh my goodness, I could not believe this had happened. I had absolutely NO idea about any of this. NONE!

We got back into the limo. It took us back to the restaurant where 30 of our friends were waiting on us. He had a surprise engagement party planned. My other surprise…he took me to Knoxville the next day to see my family and celebrate with them.

July 31: Ryan and I went to the nursing home where he has volunteered for a couple of years. I know a lot of the residents there just from the short time that I have been able to volunteer there also. We took a lot of the roses and handed them out to the women in the nursing home. You talk about happy…I have never seen so many lit up faces over a red rose. They LOVED it. I loved it. I loved it even more that Ryan had arranged for us to do this together.

August 8: I am still in awe of Ryan. He has blown me completely away. He has surpassed any expectation that I have ever had and he is a daily reminder to me of God’s love and blessings.It took some time to get over the shock of being engaged.Ryan and I had talked some about getting married, but I had convinced myself that we would be getting engaged at the end of the year and get married next year. Ryan is my everything. He has helped me to understand God’s love for His children; he has taught me to love and accept myself. He is my best friend, my soul mate, and better half. There is not a day that has gone by that I have questioned his love for me. You know that saying, “You just know when you know.”It’s true. I just knew. Ryan is it. He is the one that I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with. While all the wedding planning can be kind of overwhelming and stressful, I have never been more excited in my life. I am giddy. I am on cloud 9. He has completely swept me off my feet. I will be forever grateful for him.

October 23, 2010: Our wedding day. We’re ready. Why wait?!

Here’s the video Ryan put together that played in the limo: