More than anything, we’ve truly understood the meaning of family and the importance of being in the moment. Prior to the pandemic, it seemed pretty easy to get together with family and friends, even in the midst of trying to juggle busy schedules. Since March, life forced us to slow down, get creative with our daily routines, and hold the times we could gather with friends and family as more precious.

If you know me well, you know I am not a fan of change. I like consistency, plans, and a very structured routine. I do not function well without those three things. Needless to say, 2020 brought more change than I could sometimes handle emotionally — I had goals that did not pan out, routines that went out the window, and plans that heeded a lot of change. But, I have learned, change does not always have to be a bad thing.

For us, change meant a lot of family walks together, Friday family movie nights while stuffing our faces with pizza, takeout upon takeout from our favorite local restaurants, and very creative date nights after getting Willow to bed.

We celebrated my birthday and Willow’s at home, with a ton of cake and cupcakes, of course. Ryan turned 40 in October and we made the most of his birthday since he peeked into a new decade of awesomeness! We also celebrated 10 blissful years of marriage — woohoo!

Our original plans for our 10^th wedding anniversary were halted due to Covid-19, but we made new plans, and our trip out to Arizona was more than we could have imagined. Someone once told me that you bond with your spouse when you make memories by trying out new things together. Our time in Scottsdale and Sedona was full of “firsts” and a trip we will never forget.

Despite the craze of 2020, we were still able to film weddings even though they looked different than originally planned. Some were postponed and we are delighted to work with those couples in 2021. Ryan enjoyed taking on a few extra filming projects this year, including several elopements of couples that endured the changes this year brought them. 2020 did not take love away, that is for sure!

Willow started preschool in August and it has been an absolute joy to see her grow and learn. She loves helping me cook in the kitchen and especially loves the taste testing part…haha! Her many baby dolls are well loved and cared for; I am sure they have been rocked and fed a million times over by now! She loves “reading” and her new favorite books are The Little Critter series by Mercer Mayer. This series was my favorite when I was little and I love that she enjoys reading my old books. She continues being a daddy’s girl and these two are always having fun together. Willow always wants to be Ryan’s helper and her new favorite love is playing her guitar with him. Melt my heart!

And now we are to the holidays — the most wonderful time of year! As we approach the season where we remember our Savior’s birth, I cannot help but think of the longing we all have inside of us. To feel connected, to be together, to know our purpose, to feel loved, to love another, and to find healing.

No matter what your year has been, we pray that you will feel the power and love of Jesus more than you ever have before this season. May you know that you are loved, cherished, enough, and have a place in God’s family. We all carry a special purpose in this life—may we choose to make the most of each moment, to value the simple things of this life, and to love others well.

The Worthens wish you a very Merry Christmas and a blessed holiday season!

Photos by Jenna Stevens Photography
(Except that last one…Jenna was sweet enough to let Willow snap a photo and she even gave her the photography credit!)

In her first month:

• Willow is breastfeeding like a champ!
• She likes short walks around the neighborhood…
• …and long walks on the beach! Just kidding…but she did go on her first beach trip (more on that soon!).
• Willow experienced her first airplane ride and she did GREAT!
• We were so spoiled to have Kelsey Malicote do a newborn shoot of Willow.
• Our girl hiccups and sneezes all. the. time.
• Momma discovered that she can’t eat things that are tomato-based because it upsets Willow’s tummy (goodbye pizza…how ironic!).
• Willow started sleeping through the night (for around 6 hours) at 4 weeks old (thank you Jesus!).
• Daddy got his first smile from Willow. Heart melted!
• Despite our best efforts, we conceded that Willow hates taking a paci. Crazy, right?!
• She got to meet sooooo many dear friends who already love her to the moon and back.
• Willow attended her first church service and got to participate in the annual baby dedication service!

In her second month:

• Willow started going on runs with momma and loves it!
• She loves listening to Lauren Daigle music (but who doesn’t?!).
• This child is still doing an awesome job with breastfeeding.
• The cooing and babbling has started and her voice is sooooo cute!
• She is still sleeping through the night (and we are progressing in hours)!
• Willow finally fits in newborn clothes. She was only 5 lbs. 13 oz. at birth, so we had to scramble to find preemie outfits!
• Spit bubbles are apparently “in” when you’re two (months).
• Our sweetheart absolutely HATES the car and car seat.
• Her smiles are more frequent and getting cuter by the second!
• She got to meet our awesome Colorado friend + photographer, Jennifer Morgan, for a fun photo shoot at Keeneland!
• Willow still won’t take a paci…
• …but she found her hands (which have found her mouth).

In her third month:

• This girl is pretty much smiling on command…it’s the best!
• She absolutely loves her Daddy and gave him her first tiny laugh (we caught it on video + will share it soon!)
• We traveled to Lakeside, Ohio for the long Fourth of July weekend. Willow totally slept through the fireworks!
• Our little jet-setting beach bum had an awesome week in Seaside, Florida (this will be a separate blog post).
• She loves being outside (and so do we), so we think we’re going to keep her.
• Willow is still sleeping through the night (gimme allllllll the praise hands!)
• Her personality is really coming out and you can definitely tell when she doesn’t like something.
• She LOVES her hands!
• Willow has started to grab and hold on to things (pretty soon she’ll probably want Daddy’s wallet).
• Thankfully, she is getting a little better about car rides but is still a bit suspect of her car seat.

In her fourth month: 

• Now Willow smiles ALL the time (except around bedtime).
• She is starting to laugh at things we do…It’s precious!
• The obsession with her hands continues (is anyone really surprised?).
• Willow is still breastfeeding and taking the bottle well.
• She loves bath time…
• …but on the way to the tub she has peed on Daddy a couple times!
• The girl “talks” all the time…she has some pretty elaborate tales!
• She usually gets vocal when you lay her down on the changing table and talk to her.
• Willow is a pro at taking 30 minute naps (but not a minute longer).
• She loves holding on to her little bunny (we named her Winnie).
• Her preference is to be facing out when you’re holding her. She has people to see, ya know!
• She’s so great to take on walks (and usually falls asleep).
• She loves looking around and definitely enjoys any time outside, but she hasn’t experienced winter yet.

In her fifth month:

• She is the happiest girl around! Willow is almost always smiling or “talking.”
• Our little girl L-O-V-E-S bath time.
• Breastfeeding has become a challenge and the weaning process has begun.
• She has been trying lots of different foods, but of course she prefers the sweeter ones (just like her momma)! Willow has had apples, sweet potatoes, carrots, squash, peas, green beans, pears, avocado, prunes, bananas, peaches, pineapple, and even had a little taste of peanut butter. Out of all of these things, pears and bananas are her absolute favorites!
• As soon as she learned to roll over in her crib we transitioned her out of her sleep sack, so now this girl just sleeps in her onesie at night!
• She absolutely loves her exersaucer and loves bouncing, bouncing, bouncing the day away!
• Willow started paying attention to the dogs a lot more this month and is following them with her eyes and smiling at them. The dogs are appreciating the increased attention…haha!
• This little one took her first trip to Knoxville (where Brittany’s parents and sister lives) and Willow did AWESOME in the car!
• She was invited to a birthday party at Evan’s Orchard and got to take home a pumpkin with her name on it!
• She’s officially a belly sleeper. Momma may have cried the first night she slept on her belly in her crib…it was so nerve-wracking!

In her sixth month:

• Willow suddenly loves being on her belly and is rolling all around reaching for anything she can get her hands on. She’s pretty good at scooting backwards, too!
• She loves books (this makes her literacy professor Momma happy!).
• Willow tries to reach for the dogs and sometimes gets tickled by them.
• She can sit up on her own for about .05 seconds. She’s close, we know it!
• Willow is obsessed with her Daddy! You can’t wipe the smile off her face when he’s around. It is SO stinkin’ precious!
• She’s getting the hang of our Sunday afternoon nap time (thank you, Jesus)!
• No teeth yet, but there’s tons of drooling going on!
• We’re in our final days of breastfeeding.
• She got the CUTEST Halloween costume! Stay tuned to our Instagram feed to see it later this month!
• Willow had her six month photos taken by the one-and-only Kelsey Malicote and y’all…they are the sweetest, plus she got to hang out and get some snapshots with her BFF, Myla Malicote! We can’t wait to share them with you soon!
• Her smiles and blue eyes melt our hearts right into a puddle.

In her seventh month:

• Willow can sit up on her own. Woah.
• Our big girl is into yoga. She has the downward dog position down pretty well. We’re waiting any day for a summersault.
• Momma and baby have officially stopped breastfeeding. It was a very bittersweet transition.
• Our girl celebrated her first Thanksgiving. She thoroughly enjoyed trying pumpkin pie for the first time (but who are we kidding, it was really all about the Cool Whip. Sorry, pumpkin pie!)
• Willow is starting to eat solid foods and LOVES squash.
• Peanut says “Dada” and “blah blah” ALL the time. Dada is responsible for teaching her the “blah blah”…but still no “Momma!” She is quite the babbler now!
• She clicks her tongue typically when she is happy about something.
• Rook > Runner. Glad the old man is getting her affection while we love on our Golden girl. Thankfully, Willow loves both the pups (but definitely prefers Rook).
• Willow is Miss Independent and loves doing things for herself (especially holding her own bottle and spoon when eating).
• There are still no teeth in that little mouth of hers, but she’s got drool for days!
• Her mode of transportation is by way of rolling all over the place. This happens most often when you try to change her diaper. Little stinker!!!
• Our sweet Willow Rose was the star of our first family Christmas photos. Have we mentioned how grateful we are for Kelsey Malicote?!

In her eighth month:

• Willow crawled for the first time! At first she lunged. Then she did the Army crawl. Now she’s really starting to get the hang of it!
• Just a couple days after her first crawl, she pulled herself up (on Dada, no less!).
• She is trying more food and enjoys eating at the dinner table with Momma and Dada.
• Our baby girl is SO observant. Willow studies the room (especially if there are new people) before she’ll warm up to you.
• Willow has mastered the use of a straw and loves drinking cold water from her sippy cup. She also is a big fan of eating puffs.
• She started banging her toys together to make noise.
• She’s a daredevil in the mornings…look away for one second and you’ll find her attempting to climb out of her rock and play in the mornings as mom and dad are getting ready for work!
• Willow had her first kiss…she totally leaned in and planted one on her little buddy, Will. This happened during our life group in front of two dozen witnesses. It was precious!
• She loves playing with Daddy and LOVES when he gives her zerberts on her belly.
• No sign of any teeth yet for our sweet little Peanut, but she loves “chewing” on all the things.
• Willow Rose continues to melt our hearts in every way and we love her more with each second that passes! Thank you, God, for our little miracle!

In her ninth month:

• Willow is going places!!! She is crawling everywhere, especially to wherever she finds Rook (our 14-year-old lab).
• She is pulling up on everything and LOVES to play a game where Daddy acts as a mountain and she climbs over him.
• We had to lower Willow’s mattress since she started pulling up in her crib.
• Willow has said “momma” a few times, but “dada” still wins as her favorite “word.”
• Eating puffs and drinking water are still two of her favorite things.
• She’s learned to clap her hands together when you say, “Yay, Willow!”
• Willow loves playing Pat-a-Cake and Peek-a-Boo!
• She went to the nursery at church for the first time.
• Our Peanut survived a week away from momma and dada while they were in NYC + Mexico on a quick vacation.
• Willow spent her first Christmas in Tennessee.
• Our baby girl got to spend New Year’s Eve with two of her besties, Will and Alison. They had a special 6:55pm New Year’s countdown and made it to bed right on time!
• Willow Rose is still melting our hearts every minute of every day!

In her tenth month:

• Says momma allllllll the time now!
• She LOVES books, especially her book about Sophie the Giraffe and her book about babies and doggies.
• She grabs her walker and strolls around the house any chance she gets!
• Willow is climbing stairs (eight is her record so far!) and can crawl sooooo fast.
• She has two bottom teeth popping out and more on the way!
• This girl is crazy about some mandarin oranges.
• She loves to look outside and “talk” to the neighbors.
• Willow adores Rook (our 14-year-old pup) and loves on him every chance she gets.
• She would win the Miss Independent pageant. She definitely wants to do things her way!
• Daddy is still her #1 favorite person! She is so smitten with him (and the feeling is clearly mutual!)

In her eleventh month:

• She frequently calls out for “momma!” or “dada!” (especially in the mornings).
• Says “baba” when it’s close to bottle time (and when she sees it!).
• She can stand on her own for about 30 seconds, but only when she decides to try.
• Gives kisses…wet, slobbery ones!
• Can sign “more.”
• Her favorite song is “How Much is that Doggie in the Window.”
• Loves swinging and riding in shopping carts.
• Gives high fives like a boss!
• Bath time is her absolute favorite.
• She LOVES drinking water (definitely takes after her momma)!
• Her favorite books are the Alphabet Book and Dada (by Jimmy Fallon).

In her twelfth month:

• Willow finger yodels like it’s her job (ask her to do it the next time you see her…it’s a hoot!)
• She took FOUR steps all by herself!
• New words in her vocabulary include “baby” and “dog.”
• She has an absolute meltdown when you tell her “no.”
• Her favorite book is the Ear Book by Dr. Seuss.
• Give her a phone and it goes straight up to her ear. She’s so smart!
• She went to her friend Will’s one-year birthday party!
• Willow visited Disney’s Magic Kingdom (and slept thru It’s a Small World…so sad!).
• She spent Easter in Toledo and got to celebrate her birthday with family a week early!
• This girl LOVES snuggling on her heart eyes emoji pillow (“Lovey”).
• Mac + cheese is one of her new favorite foods.
• Daddy made a very special video of her first year…watch it below!
• Willow got to celebrate her first birthday with family and friends…our heart is so full!

In the last couple of weeks, I’ve been thinking about some things I’d like to work on in the coming year and as I was getting ready this morning, a word came to mind so vividly. Intentional. That’s my word and I’m going try my darndest to stick to it. A lot of times I allow all that’s going on in my life to excuse me from being intentional in the areas that need it the most. While I feel my heart has been in the right place this past year in learning how to be a mom, and honestly, how to be a wife all over again in the mix of raising a baby, how to work full time, go to school part time, co-film with my amazing sidekick and manage to keep my house running, I feel I’ve missed out on some important things that make me me. Like, pursuing friendships, having time with my girlfriends and doing things that I really enjoy doing.

Ryan and I were talking a few weeks ago and he made a good point when we were talking about the idea of having a balanced life. In reality, balancing life isn’t very realistic, it’s more about prioritizing. Each day is different and each day requires prioritizing and getting the most important things done.

So, about being intentional. I want to make more time for my girlfriends. I want to sit with them, learn from them, grow with them, cry with them, share with them. I want to be more intentional with words of encouragement. For whatever reason, I’ve always had this mindset that my comments won’t mean anything or make a difference. I’m going to choose to not believe that lie and be intentional with encouraging words. I recently read a book by Jen Hatmaker, Of Mess and Moxie. In one of the chapters she mentioned that she has a friend that anytime she is thinking something of someone, she will text them right away and let them know what she’s thinking about. That’s intentionality at its finest. So, don’t be surprised if you get a random text message or comment from me to let you know that I’m thinking about you. I’m gonna do it. People pop into my head all the time and it takes all of 10 seconds to type a quick text to let them know I’m thinking about them.

I’m going to continue to be intentional with my family- spending time with my husband and daughter. I will continue to be intentional about pursuing a healthy lifestyle and working out. I will continue to be intentional in being the best professor and role model I can, only God (and maybe my husband, too) knows how much I love my college students. I will continue to be intentional with my relationship with my parents, siblings and in-laws. And most importantly, I’m going to be intentional with taking quiet moments with the Lord- in His word and in prayer. After all, that intentionality is the most important thing in this life.

Whatever you’re doing, wherever you’re at in life…whether 2017 was amazing (thanks Willow for making this year the epitome of epic) or whether it was the worst year you could have ever imagined, I pray we can all wake up tomorrow with a fresh start and a word in mind that will carry us through one of the best years God is writing in our stories.

Now, I’m gonna go smooch on my hubs and count my blessings! Cheers, friends!

I’ve struggled for as long as I can remember with self-image and my assumptions of how I feel others see me. Growing up, I was bullied over my weight and let’s just be honest…I wasn’t the skinniest kid on the block so I was an easy target for fat jokes and cruel comments. As I grew older, my appearance changed but my mindset didn’t.

We’ve shared some blog posts about how our first year of marriage was no walk in the park. A lot of our issues centered around my insecurities, but thanks to counseling and Jesus, we’ve come a long way. Those consuming thoughts of my weight and appearance shifted yet again after giving birth to Willow. I’d be lying if I said that I never worry about my looks, but my thoughts tend to be less focused on what others think and more on Willow, Ryan and my crazy busy life.

In my quest to achieve this “perfect bod” I realized that I really love to exercise. Sure, sometimes it feels like a chore and sometimes I have to give myself a pep talk just to lace up my tennis shoes, but more often than not, working out has proven to be a great stress reliever and makes me feel good throughout the day.

When I was first pregnant, I knew I wanted to continue working out and chose to hire a personal trainer to help me along the way. The personal trainer held me accountable and developed an exercise routine that helped me stay healthy despite the temptation to eat allllllll the things. This turned out to be one of the best decisions I made during my pregnancy, and I feel it helped me bounce back quickly after the delivery in hopes of getting that pre-baby body back.

But then mom life happened. Exhaustion happened. Ice cream cravings happened and so did the convenience of restaurant-prepared meals. I started having a mindset that I needed to eat a lot because I was breastfeeding and burning so many calories (darn you, Chick-Fil-A strawberry lemonade milkshakes)! I wasn’t eating healthy and I definitely wasn’t spending time rebuilding my body…but then I met Val.

Valerie Smorol is the owner of SmoFitness. She designed and created a program called smoBABY, a program designed with the new mom in mind and has been approved by a myriad of medical professionals, including a women’s specialist, a physical therapist, an OB-GYN, a dietician, and even a lactation specialist. The program combines nutrition with planned workouts and incorporates the important elements of accountability and encouragement as well. 

I was hesitant about it at first, but Val convinced me I was a good fit for the program and I am SO glad she did. This past July, I completed the smoBABY six-week program and since then, have completed two rounds of her FASTer Way to FAT Loss program. I have lost several inches, 13 pounds and I am finally fitting back into pre-pregnancy clothes. The program requires commitment and determination, but it’s realistic and legit! I have pictures to prove it (just ask me!).

This program isn’t just about losing the weight, it’s more about being smart with nutrition and gaining the knowledge you need to get your body where it needs to be. I’m still a work in progress, but feel I have come a long way since having a baby. Val’s accountability is great. She will do everything in her power to encourage you, motivate you and help you reach your goals. She’s realistic and she believes in each of her clients. I am feeling more toned and confident and to me, that’s worth its weight in gold. 

Want to learn more about SmoFitness? Click through to see what smoBABY or FASTer Way to FAT Loss is all about!

[ Photos by my awesome hubs: Ryan Worthen ]

From our family to yours, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Love,
Ryan, Brittany, Willow, Runner & Rook

Photos by The Malicotes

Being the protective mama bear I am, I peppered Ryan with a million questions. How does it work flying with a baby? Is she going to get sick from all the germs? What doctor would we go to if she gets sick away from home? How will I know if her ears pop or not? What if she cries the whole flight? Will she stick to her schedule eating and sleeping? How will I keep her from getting sunburned if she’s not supposed to wear sunscreen until six months old? Are we selfish for wanting to travel with her? Am I crazy for wondering all these questions?

Ryan helped me work through my worries and before we knew it, we were heading to the airport for the first of several summer adventures. Here’s what we learned along the way.

Hilton Head
Lesson learned: Traveling with a baby is totally doable, but be careful about setting expectations.

Our first trip with Willow was to Hilton Head, South Carolina. Willow was just a month old, but after consulting with her doctor and Googling “How to travel with a one month old” we decided to just go for it.

Okay, maybe it was a bit more involved than simply searching online for best practices…we actually did our homework and found that at least from a logistical standpoint, traveling with a baby wasn’t nearly as complicated as we thought it would be. In our experience, getting through security and boarding the plane were surprisingly a breeze. If you’re interested, here are our tips for traveling by air with a little baby!

What travel tips are you willing to share? We’d love to hear from you in the comments below!

By this point Willow was miraculously sleeping through the night, but we were still exhausted as we adjusted to new routines and schedules. One day we bravely attempted to introduce Willow to the beach, but she only lasted about an hour before she was over it. We returned to our rental and slept the afternoon away in hopes of putting that mildly traumatic experience behind us.

There were some small victories. Willow experienced her first dip in the pool and Dad captured some cool footage of Harbour Town and Sea Pines with his drone. Mom got a relaxing massage at the spa, Dad played tennis at the racquet club, and despite the fact that Willow hated being in her car seat, we still managed to venture out for dinner a few times and see different parts of the island.

Our time in Hilton Head was…a learning experience. We were able to relax a bit, but more importantly I think we proved to ourselves that we could travel with Willow…it just required a bit more planning and patience than before but it was totally worth it.

Check out some beautiful drone footage of Hilton Head Island that Ryan captured…it’s stunning!

Lakeside, Ohio
Lesson learned: Family time is the best time.

Over the July 4th weekend, we headed up to Lakeside, Ohio, to be with Ryan’s family. Back in May, we made a similar drive to Blissfield, Michigan, for a high school graduation ceremony for Ryan’s nephew (congrats, Tucker!) so we pretty much knew what to expect with Willow (namely, she hated being in her car seat). Thank goodness this trip was a turning point for our little girl and we were pleasantly surprised when she slept for most of our time in the car. Praise Jesus!

The weather was beautiful when we arrived in Toledo, so Ryan’s parents invited us out on their boat. This was another “first” for Willow, and while the life jacket pretty much swallowed her whole causing a slight panic attack, she quickly fell asleep in her Nana’s arms and we had the most relaxing time cruising up and down the Maumee River.

The following day we made our way to Lakeside, Ohio, to spend the 4th of July weekend on the shores of Lake Erie. For the last several years, Ryan’s family has made a tradition of coming to Lakeside and it’s always such a sweet time with them. We do rock painting, play shuffleboard and stroll around the cutest little shops. More importantly, we spend quality time together talking, eating, and relaxing in a place that’s full of special memories in each one of us.

We want Willow to love and value the time spent with family, and Lakeside is the perfect place for us to show her what family is all about. As we drove away from Lakeside, we couldn’t help but thank God for a family that loves us and our little girl so deeply.

Here’s a gallery of our photos from Lakeside!

Seaside, Florida
Lesson learned: An hour can make all the difference. 

As it turns out, when you’re booking a vacation that includes a baby, you might want to pay attention to things like time zones as they just may disrupt months of hard work in developing a sleep schedule.

When we made the reservations for Seaside, Florida, we never considered the fact that there was a one hour time zone difference (from eastern to central time zones) but once it hit us we felt confident we could make small adjustments to compensate for the change. In reality, the difference had a noticeable impact on Willow’s bedtime and it took several days for her to recover when we got back home to Lexington.

Probably the most notable impact came the evening that we were scheduled to meet up with a talented photographer named Sarah who we commissioned to take some photos of us on the beach. Normally, Willow is allllll smiles and is able to ham it up on demand for the camera, but we could tell her sleep clock was a bit off so as soon as the shoot started she just wasn’t having it (dang you, time zone difference!). Thankfully, Sarah didn’t skip a beat and did an amazing job capturing our little tribe, but we now have a full understanding of what it’s like to take family photos when you have a kid who won’t smile. What a little stinker!

Willow’s saving grace came during the daytime, however. Unlike her first beach trip to Hilton Head, Willow was an absolute angel when it came to taking naps on the beach. This little girl would lay back and fall into dream land with virtually no fussing, and on several occasions I had to wake her up just to feed her. I suppose this means that we’ll just need to either move to the beach or take more vacations there, right Ryan?!

All in all, we had an amazing summer and loved getting to travel with our Peanut. Here are some photos from that shoot with Sarah and Paul Photography…we hope you enjoy them!

Sarah & Paul Photography, thank you SO much for capturing these treasured memories together!

I am not perfect; I don’t have it all together and I definitely don’t claim to be one who knows it all. The past two months have stretched me to unimaginable depths in every sense possible: physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

I have experienced happiness, joy and the most incredible love imaginable. I have also had moments where I felt overwhelmed with stress, anxiety, mom guilt, and complete exhaustion. I pray every single day that I will be a good mom to Willow, but I still question every single decision I make in regard to her.

A few weeks ago I finished a book titled Grace Not Perfection by Emily Ley. A dear friend and sister in Christ bought this book for me several months ago and it wasn’t until after Willow was born that I decided to pick it up and read it.

You know how I talk about God’s perfect timing? This was one those times. Emily talked so much about motherhood and allowing yourself to feel grace.

One of my weaker qualities is that I strive for perfection. I’m not talking the kind of perfection where something is simply done “good” enough. I am talking the kind of perfection that drives my every. single. move. With nearly everything I do, I want it to be better than great. I want to do everything with excellence, where everything fits and everything has a place. Every part of my life strives for perfection.

I went through a period where I put this same expectation on others, and if you’ve followed our journey thus far, you know that was a major part of why Ryan and I struggled so much early on in our marriage. Through growing pains, I realized perfection is an unrealistic expectation that cannot be placed on others. It’s not fair.

But wait a minute…this applies to ME too! This book poured into me the sweet reminder that God’s grace is enough.

After putting Willow to bed at night, I have laid my head down heavily on my pillow and more times than I care to think about, I have reflected on the day and gotten down on myself for decisions I made or for the ways I fell short as a mother, wife and friend.

Grace, friends. Sweet grace.

That’s what our Heavenly Father offers us and I am learning in the midst of my imperfections that I don’t have to place unrealistic expectations on myself.

While I am pretty proud of the fact that as a new mom I shower every day, I’m not always proud that when Ryan comes home from work in the evenings, I’m usually in workout clothes with a spandex waist and no makeup.

Have I gone to workout? No. Have I fit back into my old clothes? Ummm, no. I go for comfort and practicality these days.

Grace.

Each day is a new day and I am learning to allow myself grace in this messy thing called life. I am starting each day journaling my prayers and ask God to go before me in all my decisions. I am praying for wisdom and discernment and asking God to guide my every step. My mind is constantly going a million miles a minute, but it’s helpful to stop and remind myself that I don’t have to be perfect. I just get to be me.

Photo Credit: Jennifer Morgan Photography

I remember sitting in front of my birthday cake making a HUGE wish — or as I’d like to think of it — a bold prayer. Throughout that week, I read two books that impacted me deeply. One of the books stated, “Sometimes we’re so afraid of making a mistake we never take hold of what all He has for us. We focus on being safe and staying on the straight and narrow so much that we miss out on what God truly wants — which is seeing us grow into all He created us to be.” I boldly prayed for God to grow me into all He created me to be and in that same prayer, I prayed that His plan would include being pregnant in my 30^th year.

So here I sit, writing a post to reflect the pictures of our sweet Willow Rose’s nursery. God knew then and His plan far surpassed anything I could have ever wished or imagined. He knew all along the right timing and knew when our hearts would be ready for this new journey, and He reminded me of this on our trip out west to Colorado this past summer. That trip was incredible in more ways than one and we have a little souvenir to show for it. Wink, wink!

Naturally, we went with a mountain theme for our nursery following that amazing trip to Breckenridge. There are so many special, handmade elements in Willow’s room. I made the mobile hanging over Willow’s crib, and Ryan made the wood wall and the triangle shelves with help from his friends Matt and Justin. The blanket draped over the crib was a gift from Amanda, a friend and former co-worker. The custom-engraved mountain cut-outs and paper flowers were part of the decor from a sweet shower thrown by my friend Kelsey, and the sign hanging above Willow’s crib was made by our very talented friend Meredith (be sure to check out her work here).

We love how the new room has come together, and we’re excited for you to see it, too! (Scroll to the bottom for a full list if you’re looking to buy!)

Shop this Nursery

100% of proceeds made from referral and affiliate links on theworthens.org will be donated to charity.

“May Her Faith” Handlettered Sign (custom order) – Merrily Written
http://www.instagram.com/merrilywritten

Willow Rose Sign (custom order) – The Trendy Timber
https://www.instagram.com/thetrendytimber

Tissue Tassel Garland (custom order) – LoveGarlands
https://www.etsy.com/shop/LoveGarlands

White Fluffy Cloud Pillow – TalesBoutique
https://www.etsy.com/listing/212414267/fluffy-cloud-pillow-cushion-white-polar

White Flower Ceiling Fan Light Kit – Lamps Plus
http://www.lampsplus.com/products/white-flower-ceiling-fan-light-kit__k9774.html

Crib by DaVinci -Amazon
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B013QQJ58M

Glider & Ottoman – Wayfair
https://www.wayfair.com/Angel-Line-Windsor-Glider-and-Ottoman-GOF1083.html

End Table – Wayfair
https://www.wayfair.com/Charlton-Home®-Axtell-End-Table-CHLH2894.html

Table Lamp (shade sold separately) – Target
http://www.target.com/p/lamp-base-ceramic-double-gourd-includes-cfl-bulb-threshold/-/A-51454403

Bunny Rabbit Wall Decor – Target
http://www.target.com/p/bunny-head-wall-d-cor-pillowfort/-/A-51619142

Shag Rug – Target
http://www.target.com/p/nuloom-hand-tufted-maginifique-shag-rug/-/A-50532249

Floating Bookshelves (Picture Ledges) – IKEA
http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/40291766

Shelf Unit (in Willow’s closet) – IKEA
http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/80275887

OTHER Items

Shiplap Style Wall (how we did it)
Triangle Mountain Shelves (made by Ryan and Justin)
Handmade Blanket (made with love by our friend Amanda)
Curtains (IKEA – discontinued)

100% of proceeds made from referral and affiliate links on theworthens.org will be donated to charity.

WEEK 12: This secret was so hard to keep!
We went “public” with this pregnancy announcement video and blog post.

WEEK 13: The first trimester totally kicked my butt, but thankfully the fatigue and sickness finally started to taper off. I never felt like doing anything and wanted to eat pizza and french fries all the time. If you know me well, you know this is SO not me! This baby is totally Ryan’s! He is the pizza eater between us. Oh! I also stopped at Wendy’s for a burger and Sprite quite frequently. Seriously…Ryan’s baby. Insert big eye emoji!

WEEK 14: Finally! I am starting to feel somewhat like my old self! I’m more tired than I was in the first trimester, but overall I am feeling so much better. I still don’t want fruit and can’t really stand the thought of eating it. Things definitely are different, but we are having fun!

WEEK 15: We got some news that rocked our world this week. Routine blood work showed that I had been exposed to a virus which has been known to cause harm to babies. We’re going in to see a high-risk doctor this week and we’re asking for lots of prayers. Even in this, we know God is still sovereign and in control!

The night before I talked to the doctor to find out about my blood work, I had a vivid DREAM where the doctor told me Baby Worthen was a girl (even though I told her not to tell me)! In the dream, I could see the baby’s face and body and she was absolutely perfect…it was incredible! God also spoke to me in this dream and told me, “Don’t you remember, I’ve already given you the name of your daughter.” I pretty much held on to this dream the entire week. It was a sweet reminder that God has formed this baby in my womb, and again, He is in control!

 Later in the week, we saw the high-risk pregnancy doctor and got to see Baby Worthen through an ultrasound. The doctor said the baby looked great, but she wanted to do some additional blood work to see if they can learn more about the presence of the virus. We’re anxious to hear the results, but we’re praying and trusting fully in our Lord. We also didn’t see any “boy parts” in the ultrasound, but it’s still too early to say if it’s a boy or a girl.

WEEK 16: Well, God did it again! We got a call from our doctor this week that all my blood tests were negative…no virus and my previous blood work was a false positive! The nurse was amazing and listened to me as I cried rejoicing in the news. She said, “You don’t have to worry anymore!” WHOOOOOO!!!! Okay, maybe I do still worry a time or two. Sometimes I wonder if there really is a baby growing in there. Ha! This is the most amazing experience ever in the history of EVER!

Keep on praying! We feel them and need them. Maybe we’ll find out in a few weeks what the gender is. What do you think…boy or girl? I know one thing for sure, we’re feeling SUPER thankful right now!

Week 17: Shew! What a week. Ryan and I both got the stomach bug and it ended up putting me in the hospital. Luckily, it only lasted 24 hours and we were both better the next day, but it was completely and totally awful! I haven’t had much of an appetite and I’ve been kind of scared to eat normal food. I’ve still craved Lucky Charms and Fruity Pebbles though. Yes, I totally feel like I’m five again. I eat cereal every morning for breakfast because it’s about the only thing that sounds good.

My sister and I took a fun little trip at the end of the week to go and visit my aunt. We loved visiting with our family and got some good sister time in, too! I think I was still recovering because I felt pretty bad the whole weekend. My sis and aunt were troopers and still made me have fun. The spa day was my favorite! This whole trip was inspired by my sweet husband…For my 30th birthday this year, he gifted a “sister trip” to me. With the threat of Zika EVERYWHERE, we were pretty limited with where we could go. My sister loves the Steelers and we do have some strong Italian roots, so we thought it’d be pretty awesome to go and visit our aunt for a girls’ weekend. When we arrived, Ryan had ordered and sent flowers to my sister, my aunt and me and said “…when the Polis girls are together, that’s a reason to celebrate.” It was a perfect sister trip before the baby comes!

Week 18: I think this has been my best week yet. Since the first time in about 18 weeks, I’ve managed to work out five days in a week. You all know I love working out, but this is something I could barely manage to do during the first trimester. I never felt good and instead of beating myself up over not working out, I just tried to do what I could do. All bets are off when you’re pregnant (so I’ve been told) and I’ve found this to be SO true. I still don’t enjoy sweets and my Laffy Taffy phase has passed. See…I told you all I felt like I was five again! Foods I ate during the first trimester totally gross me out now…I sometimes wonder if I’ll ever be able to eat some of what used to be my favorites. I still enjoy pizza though!!! Ah…acid reflux is awful and something I’ve never experienced before, so Tums have become my new best friend!

This is the week we find out whether Baby Worthen is a boy or girl! Ryan and I are pretty excited. We’re planning to share Thanksgiving week with my family and I can’t wait to enjoy my mom’s homemade cooking! Thank you again for all of your prayers. We still need them and cherish them!

Week 19: I am still feeling good! I think the most exciting thing from this week was feeling the baby move for the first time. I had an “I think that’s the baby moving” kind of moment at first, but a couple of days later I knew it was definitely her I was feeling.

On Wednesday evening, I was lying in bed getting ready to go to sleep and I felt what I think were somersaults from her. It completely took my breath away. It’s the craziest and weirdest feeling and I am so anxious for Ryan to feel her. I still can’t believe this is happening! Pregnant mommas: Do you and did you feel this way? I keep wondering when it’s going to set in. You’d think my expanding belly would make it feel real, but I just can’t get over God’s miracle in all of this.

My emotions have been somewhat stable…haha! I’m not crying as much unless I’m watching a good Hallmark movie or I start thinking about the change that’s going to happen in our lives. I know this is all worth it, but change is so hard for me; it always has been.

Pizza is still my numero uno craving! I used to judge Ryan for getting Little Caesar’s Hot-and-Ready pizzas, but that’s pretty much my favorite right now. Gross, right? I know. Don’t judge! #impregnant

Week 20: Wow. We are half way through this thing! How has time gone by so fast? The little bean is still growing and moving around a lot more. I feel her at random times throughout the day, usually when I’m sitting at my desk, on the couch or lying in bed at night. Runner still loves laying her head on my belly and wants all the snuggle time she can get. I am still feeling good and have energy until about 7pm each night and then I’m ready for bed. The only other big change that happened this week was with my car. The car I had was too small in the back to fit a car seat, so we decided to get an SUV. I am very thankful we could make that change, but I cried. Yes, you can laugh at me because I cried over a car, but change is just so hard for me!

And her name is…

Do you remember when I shared several weeks ago how I dreamed that I was having a girl and the Lord spoke to me in that dream and reminded me the name He had given us for our daughter? We have loved being able to call our sweet baby girl by name since finding out.

Back in September, Ryan and I shared a special moment where we were talking about names and feel God gave us this verse: “This is what the Lord who made you and formed you from the womb, who we will help you says, Fear not, O Jacob my servant; and Jeshurun who I have chosen. For I will pour out water on him who is thirsty, and streams on the dry ground; I will pour out My Spirit on your offspring and my blessing on your descendants; and they will spring up among the grass like willows by the streams of water.” Isaiah 44:2-4.

Our sweet baby girl’s name is Willow Rose.

Roses play a super special part in our relationship. Ryan proposed with 600 red roses and I had roses all throughout my wedding bouquet. She’ll have the middle name of Rose for another reason, and if you know me well, you know that I love the Golden Girls. Love might actually be an understatement there…I have precious memories of watching the show with my grandmother when I was younger and Rose grew to be my favorite character. Her sayings are priceless and I love how witty and spunky she is. Rose just makes me happy! We love it and think it’s the perfect name for her.

Thank you for all the continued prayers and messages…They mean the world to us!

Week 21: I have definitely noticed little Willow popping out more every day. Some days I feel like a barn and other days I feel like I look somewhat normal. Some days I am okay with looking pregnant and other days, well…I just have to readjust my mindset. I feel I am being a typical girl when it comes to this, but I am also just being honest. One of my love languages is affirmation and Ryan does a great job at telling me he thinks I’m beautiful. Of course, my mind goes to thinking what? How? I’m huge! Ha! Why is it so hard to accept a compliment?

Working out has helped make me feel good and built my self-esteem on days when I don’t necessarily feel like myself. With my growing belly, I’ve decided to focus on things I can control like my butt and arms. No joke! I’m working out with a personal trainer and it’s been so helpful! It keeps me motivated and makes me feel good. I’ve been running on the treadmill a few times a week, but good gracious, I literally stop to go pee two or three times just while running a couple of miles.

I’ve learned that Willow does NOT like me eating chocolate. I get sick pretty much every time I try to eat it. I’m already starting to question her girliness over this chocolate thing. What girl doesn’t love chocolate? I didn’t like sweets at all in the first trimester, but I’ve started craving them again. I’ve also stepped up my pizza ordering from Little Caesar’s Hot-and-Readies to Jet’s thin crust. YUM! It’s gotten to the point where we’ve eaten pizza so much that Ryan told me the other night he is sick of eating it. That was a bit devastating to say the least.

I am feeling Willow a lot now, but mostly at night when I go to bed. She wiggles all over the place. She also moves a lot when Runner lays her head on my belly. They’re going to be buddies…I just know it!

Week 22: This has been a fun week! I saw Willow moving around outside of my belly. I knew if I could see her moving, then Ryan would be able to feel her soon. Sure enough, that night I laid down in bed and he felt her right away! It was one of the coolest things for us to experience together. Ryan was super excited! This whole experience is still so miraculous and mind-blowing for me. Some days I am just in awe thinking about how God designed all of this to be.

We’ve been on the go a lot lately, filming a ton of weddings and I’ve been trying to finish up all of our Christmas shopping. Filming has definitely gotten harder, and basically just bending over is not as easy. I tire out more frequently and my back hurts often. We have two more weddings to film in December and then we’re taking a break until after the baby is here!

It’s a bit surreal to think we are getting closer to her due date, and it’s a little scary if I can be honest. I got to hold my dear friend’s newborn baby this week and literally had knots in my stomach thinking how I couldn’t do this. Seriously! I am going to have to deliver a baby and then be responsible for this same baby. I am kind of laughing about my crazy thoughts, but oh my goodness!!! Mommas, please tell me you’ve had these same thoughts! Please make me feel like I am not crazy! I’ve also had a few panic moments this week thinking about how we don’t have a crib or haven’t registered yet. This whole experience is literally flying by.

One of my best friends gave me a Christmas gift this past week – a bracelet that says “Expect Miracles.” Sweet Willow Rose, you are our little miracle and that’s a fact. I know I’ve said this a lot already, but everyone has been so amazing. I can’t get over your love, support and prayers!

Ryan and I are proud to call you our friends, our community, our people. Wishing you the happiest Merry Christmas!

Week 23:  It’s Christmas time!!!!! I had a couple of panic moments this week in thinking that we hadn’t registered yet or bought a crib. Well, the crib is ordered and the baby items we “need” are registered. We decided to shop local for our crib and ordered it from a small place in Lexington called Nursery Time. We registered at Buy Buy Baby as we were headed out of town to visit Ryan’s family for Christmas in Ohio.

That was an experience. I think it would have been better for our marriage to have registered on the couch of our home in our comfy clothes. I had Ryan research the bigger items we needed while I depended on my momma friends and a fair amount of research I had done for the smaller, but necessary items.

With nearly each item I asked him to scan, he replied with statements like, “It cost that much? Why do we need that? What are we supposed to do with this?” For the love!!!

Let’s just say the thought of throat-punching him while registering may have crossed my mind a time or two. You’ll be happy to know, we made it out alive in under two hours. We spent the weekend in our comfy clothes, on the couch, adding and deleting items on our registry…just how we should have done it in the first place. We also registered at Babies R Us and Amazon. I think we are pretty set on the items we need (and a few extra wants…Little Willow needs to be accessorized)!

I am still feeling great! I have an occasional headache, but it’s nothing to complain about. I still crave pizza on a daily basis, eat cereal at least once a day (Frosted Rice Krispies, anyone?), love grapes and have to drink a Sprite every now and then. I craved chocolate this last week and it’s actually helped with my headaches a time or two. Eating it hasn’t made me sick, which happened in previous weeks. Maybe this girl does love chocolate after all!

Week 24: Baby Willow is definitely growing. My non-maternity shirts are shorter and tighter and the amount of times I have to pee in one day is beyond me. I can’t even keep track anymore. Besides the occasional headache and the dancing I feel on my bladder, I am feeling pretty good! This past week I’ve caught myself a couple of times exhausted from a previous day of work. While I still feel that I can keep up the pace of working out, cleaning house, and doing other odds and ends in a single day, the next day I am usually wiped out! Plus we filmed four weddings in this last month and well, I have been pretty pooped!

We filmed our last wedding of 2016 on New Years Eve. In fact, it’s our last wedding until after the baby arrives. It was so bittersweet. I teared up as guests celebrated the bride and groom with a confetti send-off at midnight. Getting to be a part of moments like that are just so special to us. Yes, it’s an incredible amount of hard work, but Ryan and I truly love doing this together.

I’ve enjoyed my Christmas break from my full time job, but I’m anxious to get the semester started. I absolutely love my job at Asbury University and love getting to be a part of students’ lives. I am still plugging away on my doctorate and have a busy semester ahead. I can’t believe we only have four months until Willow arrives! Ryan has been busy building furniture and we’ve been hand-making a lot of decor for her nursery. It’s coming together and we love all the special memories we’re incorporating into her room.

Please keep on praying; I can feel them and need them! Happy 2017 y’all! It’s going to be the best year yet!

Week 25: So this is the week where I start feeling like a whale…Shew! It has been a week. I started back to work, and while I have still tried to maintain working out my energy has just completely gone out the door. I am so tired all the time, but I am sure part of it is readjusting to a new schedule. You mommas out there are probably laughing and thinking, “You just wait!”

I think I’ve kicked my cereal habit (for now, at least). I was eating at least one bowl per day, but I haven’t really enjoyed it lately. Pizza is still my number one craving and I love eating any Italian food. I want a Caesar salad and cookie dough so bad I can’t stand it! I told Ryan the other day those are two things I want as soon as Willow is born. I’d also like to have my body back and fit into all my old clothes. Here’s to hoping for that dream to come true!

The last few weeks have been kind of hard for Ryan and I. I have been so emotional and the smallest and most ridiculous things seem to spark arguments. I’m thankful to have a husband who cares enough to want to work through things and become better as a result, but it’s definitely not a fun process. I know my overly sensitive emotions have played a role in how I have handled things, which doesn’t help at all. Sometimes we just have to step back and remind each other of what’s going on and how much we love one another. The devil doesn’t want us happy, but we refuse to let him win.

Week 26: Yep. Still tired! Ha! This was an exciting week though…we went on a babymoon!!!!! When Ryan asked me what I wanted for Christmas, I told him the only thing I would love was to go on some kind of trip with him before Willow is born. My two love languages are words of affirmation and quality time. We’ve been incredibly busy these last couple of months with work, school and weddings so I was craving some good quality time with him SUPER bad!

Our trip to Naples, Florida, was everything I could have ever wanted. I was so excited about this trip that I even asked several friends to be praying it up for us! I just didn’t want anything stupid to get in the way and I was hoping Ryan and I would be able to relax and enjoy one another.

It. Was. PERFECT! The weather was beautiful, the time of rest was amazing, the food was great and the company was incredible! Sometimes I just sit in awe in thinking about the ways Ryan loves me. Sure, we have ups and downs like every other couple, but this man loves me like no other. All he cared about was showering me with an incredible weekend and that’s exactly how it turned out.

We laughed about past memories, talked about our future with Willow and just soaked up all the good feels! Hopefully, you followed our Instagram stories on Reel Special’s Instagram channel to see all the fun we had as well as a few mishaps. If you missed it, I’ll just tell you that two mean airport security ladies made me cry after I had to throw out two small bottles of sunscreen I had just purchased (travel tip: according to the TSA quart-sized bags full of liquids are much safer than gallon-sized bags…who knew?!). Also, we realized Ryan’s license was expired when we went to get the rental car (which turned out to be a whole separate issue after the credit card company screwed up our car rental reservation), and the list could go on. Thankfully, those prayers were answered and despite the variety of issues, we had the best trip together.

I can’t believe I’m almost six months pregnant. Time has flown by and as each day passes, these experiences are becoming more surreal. Please keep praying for us and for Baby Willow. Your encouragement, prayers and support help me every single day!

Week 27: Ryan and I did a quick maternity shoot this past weekend. This is something I honestly did not want to do, but when one of your best friends just so happens to be the most amazing photographer and she tells you it’s something you have to do…you do it. I’m so glad we did! Not only was that such a precious time with Ryan, we now have some amazing photos to look back on.

I feel God is still teaching me that I don’t have control. As much as I want to have control and plan out every little detail of my life and Willow’s, that’s just not God’s plan. He knows what’s best and I just have to trust Him, in all things!

I’m feeling okay for the most part, just tired all the time. I slept six hours straight the other night without having to get up to go the bathroom. I felt like a new woman. Ha! My hormones are all over the place and I cry most often when I’m completely exhausted, which happens to be at the end of my weekends. I think I am trying to still fit in everything that I can and run around like I used to and it’s just not the same. My bump definitely gets in the way a lot and bending over is not quite as easy as it used to be. This whole growing a human thing is hard work!

Week 28: I’m officially in the third trimester now. Believe it or not, I still can’t believe I’m pregnant. This whole experience has been so surreal and discovering day by day the miracle God performs through a little life is absolutely mind blowing to me. People tell me often that holding your baby for the very first time is like no other experience. I can’t even begin to imagine what that’s going to be like. Ryan and I are so excited to meet her and I can’t stop thinking about what she’ll look like. I’m so curious about her and can’t wait to see her.

This past weekend was so exciting for me. One of my very best friends hosted my first baby shower and it was everything and more. The love I felt was so overwhelming it moved me to tears…lots and lots of tears. In fact, after the shower was over, I came home and cried a lot more. I was so overwhelmed with thankfulness for the thought and love that went into every piece of the shower. And, for so many of my amazing friends to come together for such a sweet time. I am beyond blessed and I don’t take that for granted.

You’re probably over all my talk about pizza, but I am still loving it! Pizza and any kind of Italian food is my go-to! I have developed a love for hot fudge sundaes, especially sundaes from the Cheesecake Factory. I may have had three in the last couple of weeks. I know, shame on me, but they are SO good! I’m still pretty tired all the time, but trying to just push through. This semester is already proved to be incredibly busy, but I am trying to soak up every spare moment I can with Ryan. Even in the midst of the busyness, I am trying to remind myself to slow down and enjoy the weeks I have before she gets here. Willow Rose will be here before we know it.

Week 29: This was a really, really hard week. I came down with a cold and it was a cold from you know where. I felt absolutely miserable, had to cancel a couple of classes and managed to workout only one day this week (and that was only because I had a session with a personal trainer). I tend to beat myself up when I don’t workout as much as I feel I need to, but this is the first week in a long time where I realized my body is not just mine anymore. I have a precious living soul inside of me that I also have to look out for, so instead of getting down on myself I decided to just rest.

I feel God spoke to my heart a lot this week. It’s been so easy for me to say “I feel like a whale” or “Well, I’m alive” when people ask how I am or how I’m feeling. I remember walking up to my office the other day (three flights of stairs because I refuse to take the elevator) and feeling beyond frustrated that I was so out of breath. Like, literally, it takes so much energy to climb those flights of stairs to my office every morning. As I wallowed in my frustration with being “over” getting out of breath, I realized this source of my frustration is the very thing I prayed so much for.

In that moment I felt my perspective completely changed. It’s as though God reminded me that I have no right to get frustrated and for goodness sakes, stop being so hard on myself…I am growing a human! I shared this realization with my college girls as I lead our devotion for class that morning. So much of our attitude depends on our perspective and sometimes our perspective needs a little tweaking. This life isn’t all about you, or me…this life is about loving others, cherishing others, building each other up and living it to the fullest. Yes, I have my blah days being pregnant and days where I definitely don’t enjoy it, but I decided this week that my perspective has to change on how I feel I see myself and how others see me. I’m pretty sure I’ll spend the rest of my life learning this. But for now, I’m going to enjoy the 11 weeks I have left of Willow growing inside of me. I’m going to continue to thank God for her and enjoy her Daddy like never before.

Life is so sweet and I am beyond thankful for the reminder of this.

Week 30: Whoa! 10 weeks left! I really thought I’d be over pizza by now, but it’s what’s on the menu at least two times per week. I did sneak over to Goodfella’s after class last Thursday night and about had a life changing experience after one bite of that heavenly delicious slice of cheese pizza. I texted Ryan immediately and told him I’d been missing out the past seven months on Goodfella’s!

I finally started feeling better after a week of misery. Having a bad cold and being pregnant is not something I would advise. I was very thankful for a good doctor’s visit this week and little Willow is right on track with her growth.

Ryan and I headed up north to Toledo this week. His mom and sisters threw me an amazing baby shower. Being surrounded with Godly women who have prayed for us to get pregnant was just about more than I could handle. Sisters, aunts, moms, nieces, and dear friends all came together to shower me and Baby Willow. It was so sweet and all the decorative touches were so perfect. I really can’t describe to you how loved and special this made me feel. One of the most amazing feelings is looking around a room full of women knowing they’ve been in this journey with me since the beginning. They were praying for God to bless us with a family and we were finally all together celebrating that answered prayer.

Sweet Willow…you are more than an answered prayer. You are going to move mountains and I am so blessed that God chose me to be your momma!

Week 31: We’re in the single digits now. Nine weeks to go! I’m feeling so much better this week, but goodness am I tired! All. The. Time. I came home from work the other day with the mindset that I’d take a 30 minute nap, wake up and walk the dogs then work on homework the rest of the night. Yeah, that nap turned into two and a half hours.

Ryan has been working hard in her nursery and assembled her crib this past weekend. Seeing it all come together definitely makes this feel more real. We have a couple of things left to do in her room before we feel it’s “perfect,” but we love it so far. Even though deciding on colors and her nursery theme was a source of emotional frustration and crying (on my end) between Ryan and I, I’d say it’s come together quite well and I love how invested Ryan has been into all the details of her room. Let the shower gift organizing and laundry washing begin!

I feel her move all the time and I catch myself constantly thinking about what she’s going to look like. I am so excited to meet her and see her and can’t believe there are only two months left until her due date. I caught myself thinking a lot today about God’s perfect timing. After church today, we stopped and talked to some of our closest friends – one who just had a baby and three others that are due in the coming weeks. It’s just amazing to think about how God truly does know what’s best for our lives and how he shows support by surrounding us with a community of love and friendship.

Oh, and while I’m thinking about it, don’t ever tell a pregnant woman “You’re getting really big” or “You’re looking really pregnant.” It’s not a compliment. We’re already sensitive about our growing belly and that’s just one more thing to make us emotional. From the looks of it, I have two more months to stuff my face with pizza and get all the naps in I possibly can. Just tell me to keep up the good work…haha!

Week 32: I’m learning that the emotions of feeling overwhelmingly loved and showered just don’t go away. This was a really great week topped off by an even better weekend. My best friend, sister and mom came up from Knoxville to help throw a baby shower along with one of my closest friends here in Lexington. The thought behind every single detail of this shower was beyond amazing. Willow received so many heartfelt gifts and books and her nursery is just overflowing with love. God knew I would need the community that I have for such a time as this and I am beaming with thankfulness and gratitude for all my friends and family.

This really is such a sweet time of life and I am trying hard not to wish it away or get caught up in life’s busyness to miss it all. More than ever, I’ve just wanted to soak up every minute with Ryan and absolutely love being around him. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’ve always loved being around him, but there is just something so sweet about this time. I look forward to our weekly Wednesday night date nights (because that’s really the only time we get to see each other throughout the week) and I also enjoy our wedding-less Saturdays where we do odds and ends around the house, run errands and sit on the couch and eat pizza with the dogs cuddled next to us. I know life will change once Willow is here, but it’s going to be what we make it.

Thinking about this next week has me feeling overwhelmed that it’s already going to be March. I cannot believe how fast this past year has gone by. With all of our baby showers almost complete, it’s time to finish up last minute touches to her nursery and put away all of her clothes. I also just want to spend these next several weeks praying over Willow and the delivery. This is the part I’m most anxious about and I have to remember that God is in control.

Oh, and can I just mention the amazing letter Ryan wrote for Willow? I hope you’ve had the chance to read it. It made me cry, of course. I love every single word he wrote to her and know he will spend the rest of his life loving her and cherishing her.

Week 33: Another week down…another baby shower! Several of my coworkers at Asbury University threw us our last baby shower and it was so special! Ryan was able to leave work and drive out to Asbury to help celebrate. We had pizza and cupcakes with buttercream icing…it was amazing…and the décor reflected two of my favorite childhood books, Just Me and My Mom and The Giving Tree. I, of course, cried the minute I saw everything! We have been incredibly blessed by friends, family and coworkers throughout this pregnancy and I don’t know what we’d do without our sweet community. God is so good!

Another amazing thing that happened this week was getting a sweet surprise when we heard a knock at the door and found a couple angels carrying our stroller and car seat to gift to us. Queue ALLLLL the tears. I was (and still am) speechless. Completely floored. It was the last big item on our registry and Ryan and I had planned to buy it, but little did we know God had something else in mind. To the two amazing people who blessed us with this gift. THANK YOU.

I am still feeling pretty well, just constantly tired. I am up a few times each night and toss and turn a lot. That’s good preparation for a newborn, right? Willow still moves around all the time and I’m pretty sure she likes to kickbox…haha! I’m craving anything strawberry flavored even though I still haven’t been able to actually eat strawberries. The thought of eating them grosses me out, and the same applies with anything made with or consists of cream cheese. I. Miss. Cheesecake. Mexican food is still a big NO on my list of foods I’m craving, but I pray my love for that cuisine comes back when she’s born!

Ryan has been absolutely amazing and deserves the “greatest husband ever” award. He has put up with my grumbling and complaining, has dropped everything to help me, and has even attempted to cook dinner. God bless him!

This has been a fun journey and I can’t believe we only have seven more weeks!

Oh, and can I just mention the amazing letter Ryan wrote for Willow? I hope you’ve had the chance to read it. It made me cry, of course. I love every single word he wrote to her and know he will spend the rest of his life loving her and cherishing her.

Week 34: I haven’t had pizza all week. I know…I am just as shocked as you are. It was a super busy week with work and school and pizza just wasn’t in the cards. I’ve told Ryan over and over again how bad of a wife I was this week. He had to help make dinner one night (which is totally not his thing) and then fend for himself the other nights. Poor guy! Wednesday night is always our date night, but this past week I had to work at Asbury until really late so that meant our date was postponed until Friday. By the time Ryan got home from work on Friday, we were both so exhausted that we napped and went to dinner around the time I usually go to bed. We’re soaking up our last few weekends of dates and eating out before the Little One arrives.

This felt like a really long week and I didn’t quite have the energy I normally do. Maybe I should stop eating Fruit Loops for breakfast and choose something that will give me a little more pep in my step. Haha! We don’t normally keep Fruit Loops around, but I grabbed a box off the shelf while shopping at Kroger last week because they looked so yummy I had to have them! Other than that, I haven’t really had any cravings this week.

This week is my spring break and I’ve had an itch to travel somewhere warm and tropical, but I figured staying home and finishing Willow’s nursery and getting some school projects done would be better use of my time. I managed to get everything washed and put away, so now we just have a few more things to hang in her nursery and it will be complete! It has been so amazing to see our vision come together and it wouldn’t have been possible without my handy dandy and super creative husband. Thanks, babe!

We also attended a child birth educational class on Saturday. That. Was. Interesting. I might have left a little scarred from a few things we had to encounter, but we sure did have some good laughs. Ryan was a trooper and it did make this whole thing feel a little more real. I did have some brief moments throughout the day where I thought I couldn’t do this (the whole delivery thing). Insert big, huge eye emoji here!

One of my best friends keeps reminding me that women have been delivering babies pretty much forever, and I know God is in control and everything will be just fine but if you’ve read this far, I do have one prayer request: the delivery is something I am most scared about.

Would you pray that God will give me a peace about this part of our pregnancy? Yes, I definitely trust Him, but goodness am I nervous! I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that “medical stuff” wigs me out and I just want everything to go okay.

We’ve valued and cherished all of your prayers thus far and can’t thank you enough for all the support you continually show and give us.

Only six more weeks!!!

Week 35: I can count how many weeks we have left on one hand. Holy moly!!! This was a hard and stressful week and I am happy to see it go.

I spent most of my week stressing over school projects that I was trying to get ahead on. I put a lot of pressure on myself because I strive for “A’s” in all of my classes, but goodness, I was all tears and stomach aches because of it. I managed to get a lot of work done and a sweet ending to the week was finishing up Willow Rose’s nursery. Ryan worked on the honey-do list I gave him and put together her Pack & Play and her Rock & Play. I’d say we’re about ready for this little one to grace our lives!

My belly is growing big and breathing has become uncomfortable…haha! She makes herself comfy on one side of my ribs often and still likes to throw her kickboxing skills at me throughout the day. Maybe this one will love the gym as much as I do!

Besides the normal, my only other craving this week was a chocolate Frosty from Wendy’s. My senses are crazy and I feel like I can smell everything. I ended up giving Runner a bath because I felt she was too stinky. Poor pup! Seeing how she’s super obsessed with my belly and overprotective of me, I can’t wait to see her with Willow. Ah, this is getting more real by the day!

Week 36: Four more weeks! I can’t even believe it. Now that her nursery is finished, I have been working hard trying to complete my projects for school. Once those are done, I think I’ll feel “ready!” I just keep wondering what she’s going to look like and how big she will be. So many of my close friends have had babies over the last several months and it’s just been an amazing thing to experience- to see their new little miracle, to see all the joy and God’s perfect timing. I just can’t wait for Willow!

I’m still working out, eating pizza at least once a week and getting my Frosty fix every once in a while. Ryan even craves them now, too…haha!

My best friend’s wedding is next weekend in Knoxville and I think I have everyone I know praying for me that I’ll be able to make it through. I’m looking forward to going to Knoxville as it will be my last time going “home” before she comes. Goodness, how time has flown. We don’t even know what to expect, but I can tell you Willow sure does have a momma and daddy that love her so much already!

Week 37: What a crazy and exciting week! After class on Thursday night we headed to Knoxville to get the wedding festivities started. Yes, I was totally nervous being away from Lexington with three weeks left to go. I had a bazillion friends praying for me because I wanted to be able to make this wedding more than anything.

My craving this week- anything banana! I asked my mom to make a banana pudding for me for my birthday and it. Was. Delicious. I loved being with my family and best friends throughout the weekend and just kept praying that this little bean would stay inside of me. Luckily, she did and the wedding was so amazing. Ryan filmed the entire wedding while I filled the role of a bridesmaid. After eating some cake (of course my piece was loaded with icing) and sending the bride and groom off, we darted back to Lexington for a peace of mind.

These last couple of weeks have been more than crazy trying to get things organized at work and finishing some pretty big projects for my doctoral program. I’ve been pretty stressed about it all, but God always works it out. Always.

Ryan is beyond amazing and I honestly can’t find the words to describe all he does for me. You all… he is absolutely incredible and takes care of me so well! He is going to be the best daddy EVER! Three weeks seems so far away yet so close. Life is about to change and we couldn’t be happier about it!

I’ve told you all before that the delivery is what I have been most nervous about. I sat down a few weeks ago to write out a specific prayer and also had my mom (who is my prayer warrior) write out a special prayer. It has changed everything. I feel so excited now! Yes, I am still somewhat nervous, but the peace I have is what I needed. Thanking Jesus for this!!!

Week 38: Well…we took this picture just minutes before leaving for the hospital. I am still in shock that she’s here! I honestly thought she’d come late and so did everyone else.

This was a pretty normal week…work and grad school. Ryan helped me edit my final project for UK on Monday night and Tuesday is when I started having some symptoms. I actually went to the doctor on Monday for my weekly checkup and I was only one centimeter “and a wiggle.” I felt some contractions on Tuesday, but thought they were just Braxton Hicks and I was trying to recover from a busy wedding weekend in Knoxville.

You know I’m an open book, so this next part is just, well…funny. Besides what I thought were Braxton Hicks contractions, I was also leaking. Well, I thought I was just peeing on myself here and there and figured it was just my muscles relaxing preparing for her due date.

I decided to work from home on Friday, April 7^th, so I could get caught up on grading and other work. I went to the gym that morning and was texting some friends of how I was still “leaking.” They both strongly recommended I call the doctor just to make sure everything was okay before heading into the weekend, so I called the doctor and ran over to their office real quick for them to check me. I totally thought I’d be headed back home shortly and my day would go on as planned, but they tested me and sure enough, my water had broken.

I immediately started crying. Happy tears of course, but also shocked at their words of “Your water broke, you’re going to have a baby!” AHHHHHHHH!!!! Are you for real? I texted and called Ryan as I was leaving the doctor and the tears just poured. I was sweaty from the gym and didn’t have anything with me, so I ran home real quick to shower and get our stuff.

I had no idea what to expect and I can’t even begin to describe what the labor and delivery was like. It was one of the most incredible experiences of my life. I was 38 weeks and one day when I delivered Willow Rose. I definitely did not expect her to come two weeks early, but my goodness, am I so glad she’s here!

All I can say is our Lord is perfect in His timing. Absolutely perfect. He knew when it was the right timing for us to get pregnant. He knew when her birth date would be. He knew everything. Week 38…you were our BEST week!

She’s here! Meet Willow Rose Worthen. She is an absolute gift from the Lord and we have cried the most happy tears. She is beyond anything we could have ever expected and Ryan and I have had the best week as new parents learning all new things.

I want to take a minute to talk about Ryan. I knew he was incredible, but goodness gracious, was he everything and more for me during the delivery. We had a couple of challenges during the delivery and the pain was quite intense at times, but Ryan was incredible and encouraged me the whole way through.

The moment we laid eyes on our girl is a moment I will never ever forget. Seeing her for the first time and seeing Ryan become a father has to be one of the greatest moments of my life. He was made for this…absolutely made to be a dad. Seeing him love our Willow Rose is so beautiful and what they say is true…I have fallen more in love with him this week than I ever thought was possible.

Motherhood is hard and I’m only one week in. The emotions are real and something you really can’t prepare for. I cry just looking at her. I cry at the thought of Ryan going back to work. I cry remembering her birth. I cry wondering if I can really do this. I have all the emotions….ALL the feels!

You have prayed for us, encouraged us, supported us and loved us so well through this journey. We can’t thank you enough and feel so incredibly blessed. Our community is what’s made the difference for us. The texts. The calls. The meals prepared for us. It’s all been so touching and we are just so incredibly grateful.

Now that the bumpdates are complete, you may be wondering what’s next for our blog. Ryan and I plan to continue writing about our marriage, travel, parenting and our fun adventures with Willow Rose, so we hope you continue with us in this journey!

We’re only one week in, completely smitten, and have a lifetime to look forward to with our girl. Little one, we waited nine months to love you for a lifetime and that’s exactly what we plan to do.

Ryan and I have shared lots of joyful times in our marriage. Without a doubt, he is the best thing that has ever happened to me, aside from my relationship with Jesus. I’m a complex person who desires to be loved deeply and…he does that (more than I ever thought anyone was capable of, actually), but we’ve also had some not-so-pretty moments in our marriage.

I wanted to share some things I feel I’ve learned along the way and I’d have to say, I’m pretty thankful that God allowed me to experience these times of growth with Ryan. I don’t have all the answers, but I do know I’ve learned a lot in these last six years and a lot of it had to do with learning that I don’t have to be perfect.

1. He can’t read MY mind.

It was our first year of marriage and Valentine’s Day was approaching. To me, the ideal gift would be a card and some pretty flowers. I would take a handwritten note or card over any gift, any day! I just feel there’s so much thought and effort that goes into writing someone and it means the world to me when people take the time to do that. I can remember actually telling Ryan not to buy me anything for Valentine’s Day our first year as a married couple, that the day was over advertised and I didn’t need anything. My thought was, “He’ll read my mind and know that deep down inside I want flowers and a card.”

Well, Valentine’s Day approached and…no flowers. No card. I was disappointed to say the least.

Ryan acted shocked when he realized I was upset. Friends, I am here to tell you that guys can’t read your mind, so if you’re hoping for something or wanting something, TELL HIM! I will say Ryan is an incredible gift-giver and always keeps me on my toes, but sometimes there are things I need from him and instead of hoping and wishing he’ll read my mind, I’ve learned I just need to communicate those desires to him. This isn’t just for gifts, it goes for anything! Unrealistic expectations leave you disappointed, frustrated and upset. This isn’t fair to your significant other or any other person that encounters your disappointment, so don’t be afraid to communicate!

2. Grace, not perfection.

For a good chunk of our married life, I strived to be perfect. Not just a perfect wife, but perfect in every single aspect of my life. Anything less than perfection wasn’t okay with me. I even imposed this mindset of perfection on other people…especially Ryan. Not for one second has Ryan expected perfection out of me; this is a pressure I’ve placed on myself.

I read two books earlier this year: “For the Love” by Jen Hatmaker and “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brene Brown. Let me just tell you, God moved through me in incredible ways after reading these two books. Not only did I finally know and understand the freedom we have in Christ, but I finally let go of the person I thought I was supposed to be so that I could embrace the person God made me to be. I can give my best, do my best and be my best, and that’s all anyone ever expects. In moments where I feel less than my best, God shows us grace. Ryan shows me grace. Understanding this has taken so much pressure off our marriage and I’m not spending my days devaluing our less-than-perfect times together. Every day is a gift from the Lord and that in and of itself is God showing us grace.

3. Life is Messy.

Totally. Completely. Ryan has seen me at my best and my absolute worst. I have gone from being happy and laughing to crying and throwing a tantrum like a toddler in the next breath. I don’t think anything can ever fully prepare you for marriage and the experiences you go through. Life happens. And sometimes, that life is super-messy.

When I am weak, He is strong. Our Heavenly Father picks up our dirty, messy, nasty pieces and makes it into a masterpiece. Each story is unique. Each person goes through life’s ups and downs and that’s what makes us us. I told Ryan before we got married and even into our married life that my biggest fear would be for him to fall out of love with me. That maybe, just maybe, I would do something “messy” enough that would cause him to stop loving me. As many times as he told me how ridiculous that statement was, it wasn’t until I stopped and realized that God put Ryan into my life and that God will NEVER ever stop loving me.

Ryan allows the Lord to love through him and because of that, he loves me in incredible ways. Even on my worst of days, Ryan still loves me. Even when I’ve said or done some not-so-nice things, Ryan still loves me. There are some days when I don’t know how I can get out of what I’ve created to be a mess, but I remember the hope and faith we have in our Lord and I am reminded that everything can change with God’s help.

4. Prayer Changes Everything.

I could shout this from the rooftops. Just the other night Ryan and I got into what I’ll just call a little “tiff”. I felt unappreciated and he felt I was being stubborn. I stayed downstairs to watch a Hallmark movie and Ryan ended up falling asleep upstairs. I prayed that God would work everything out and that we’d wake up in the morning and both be able to apologize and put the stupid argument behind us. I steamed on the argument for a while, cried through the Hallmark movie and went to bed still feeling a little upset.

I woke up the next morning with a new perspective and Ryan did the same. We apologized to one another, hugged and moved on from the night before. I am 100% confident prayer changed that circumstance. It took me a long time to first go to the Lord whenever Ryan and I would argue or get in a disagreement about something. There have also been times when all I knew to do was pray about a situation and God has always come through for me.

In the moments where Ryan and I can’t seem to get past an argument, I pray. It may take some time, but it always works out and I believe Ryan and I walk away from those experiences stronger and better.

5. Good Things Come to Those Who Wait.

There were times that I thought I’d never get married. I dated a tiny bit in college, but I really struggled with trusting that God had someone for me. Despite my fears, I didn’t give up on praying for my future husband and when it was God’s perfect timing, I met Ryan. We dated a few years before getting married and I thought I knew everything there was to know about life and marriage, but it wasn’t until we were married that God allowed new experiences to shape me and help me understand how God truly sees me.

There have been several times in our marriage when we’ve both longed for something…for God to move and answer our prayers, but God delivers on His timing. We think we know what’s best for us, but He knows better. When things come easy, we often don’t appreciate it as much. In moments of waiting we develop, learn and grow and good things are usually the end result, even when the journey to get there can be hard and painful. I definitely don’t have all the answers about marriage, but I do know that Ryan was worth the wait. This baby in my belly was worth the wait. When we can’t seem to put the puzzle pieces together in our lives, we just have to wait and trust that God has an ultimate plan for good.

I love my life with Ryan. No, every day is not easy and marriage can be hard work. Ryan has always said, “What doesn’t come naturally must come intentionally.” We try to live with intention in our marriage. I love Ryan and I know he loves me. We’ve learned a lot in these last six years and I know the journey is only about to get sweeter. We love doing life with you all and Ryan and I would not be who we are today without the community of friends and family we have around us.

For that, we are truly thankful. Happy Thanksgiving, friends!

Self-captured family photos at Keeneland on November 18, 2012

You prayed. He answered.

Our last year and a half has been quite a journey with trying to start a family. I was told so many different things that were wrong with me and at one point, a doctor even told me that I needed to stop working out and gain weight to improve our chances of getting pregnant. I was baffled by this, but we chose to have faith despite what the doctor was telling me.

I know God led us to a new doctor who was “confident” we would be able to have children, and even though he gave us a list of routes we could take, Ryan and I had faith. Well, let me rephrase that. Ryan had faith to move mountains that we could try again one more time on our own before seeking more medical help.

You prayed. He answered.

The past year and a half has been full of doubt, fear and wrong thoughts about myself. I can remember many times just crying to Ryan saying there’s just something wrong with me. That it’s my fault we can’t have children. Time and time again, he reminded me that God had a plan. I knew this and I definitely know this now. The time of waiting is just so hard and unpredictable.

By the grace of God, I now have a miracle growing inside of me. A real miracle. I have shed so many tears thinking about all the prayers you have lifted up for us and for the outpouring of your love and support from my last blog post. And I can’t believe it, but when I wrote that last post, I was already pregnant. I had absolutely NO idea. I trusted that God had a reason for impressing upon my heart to be vulnerable and share our story.

A journal entry I wrote this summer has continuously echoed in my head: “Lord, I surrender my desires to you. Your will. Your way. Your timing.”

Surrendering a desire is one of the hardest things we can do because we’re admitting that God’s plans for us are better than our own. One way that we felt we could surrender was by simply sharing our story with others. I can’t say that we fully understand the heartache others have felt on their journey to start a family because everyone’s experience is different, but I do know that our burdens and disappointment became lighter when we opened up about our struggles.

We know and believe that God has a plan for you even if you don’t see it or believe it yourself. Yes, we know the waiting is hard, but the waiting is worth it when you let God be the author of your story.

So what’s going on in the Worthen household? Well…my emotions are a hot mess and I feel like I cry at the drop of a hat, especially at the Amazon Prime commercial where they put the lion mane on the Golden Retriever (yes, we totally bought Runner one for Halloween).

I texted Ryan earlier this week and said I was going to pray that Jesus would turn my mean switch off. You all. Pregnancy hormones are NO joke! Even thinking about writing this had me all weepy eyed. Besides the mood swings, random cravings and sickness (most often while in the car), everything has been going well and we finally found a new doctor who has been great.

Whether it’s a boy or girl, we feel the Lord has already given us names and we can’t wait to share with the world when the time is right! Thank you again from the bottom of our hearts for being alongside us in this journey. Thank you for lifting up so many prayers for us, and thank you for all the times that you reminded us to let go of control and trust God’s plans.

You prayed. He answered.

Photos below by our besties, The Malicotes.

Things have been crazy to say the least. The last few months have been full of work, work and more work. I am not complaining about this, as I know we have both chosen to fill our plates as full as they’ve been. I guess in one sense I didn’t expect this past year to be as busy as it was. We’ve both had an incredible amount to accomplish and have even put our marriage on the back burner a time or two, just so we could get things done. Sometimes I will just look at Ryan and tell him I miss him. Ha! We are both very career driven and have dreams of things we are both trying to work to accomplish. Working on my doctorate has proven to be incredibly time consuming, challenging and has pushed me to incredible limits. I strive to be perfect in everything I do and I think God has finally gotten a hold of me to sweetly tell me this just isn’t feasible, nor does it need to be. With the ten days we were gone, my time with Ryan and the Lord was so sweet and so needed.

My personality tends to be on the go…all the time. I am a rule follower to the T, have a hard time going against the grain and I definitely am on edge a lot. Ryan helps balance me out, but there are still things I know God is working on in me. One thing I felt from this week is the need to slow down and the need to surrender my desires to Him. I like to have control; I guess that’s just the teacher coming out in me. Sometimes I just want to chill out, but even thinking about that makes me nervous. Surrendering my desires to the Lord means I can’t have control over all of my life.

As you know, Ryan and I have been trying to start a family for a while now. In the last year and a half, God has been gracious in revealing to us both that this is about His timing, His will and His way. I was writing in my journal this week and finally just told the Lord, “Ok…I surrender my desire to have children to you.” This isn’t about me or about Ryan, this is about You and your timing. Your timing is perfect. Right here and now, I am choosing to believe that. No, I don’t spend days crying over this, but yes, there are times I feel disappointed or feel that something is wrong with me. For as long as I can remember, I’ve struggled with insecurities about myself. Even at 30 years old, I feel I constantly fight the devil with lies about how others see me and how I see me. Not being able to start a family like I thought we would has triggered those insecurities in a sense, feeling like there’s something wrong with me. So…again…this trip, our 10 days out west, was so good for my soul and I felt I reconnected with Ryan in such a sweet way.

A couple of months before we headed out west, Ryan had the idea for us to hire a photographer and do a fun photo shoot. I can’t even begin to tell you what an incredible experience this was. I know the Lord led us to Jennifer Morgan of Jennifer Morgan Photography. From the moment we started emailing, it was like I had known her my whole life. Meeting her in person sure didn’t disappoint from my first impression of her. We spent three hours trekking through Breckenridge, Colorado, taking pictures. I don’t trust myself with doing my own hair and makeup since I hardly ever wear any, but I wanted to do these photos “right.” I left the salon with more makeup on my face than I had worn in quite awhile, my eyes kept watering and my insecurities were raging because of how I felt I looked. But, as I take a minute and look at these pictures, I see the one my heart and soul loves. With every fiber of my being. Yes, I love Jesus. You know that. He is who lives in me and who I strive to live for. I also know that He blessed me with my incredible husband. Ryan is my world. He lights up my life, makes me feel complete and washes away all of my insecurities of feeling ugly, inadequate and not enough.

These pictures capture more than words could ever express. We were at our last spot taking pictures, the one where I’m in the white dress, and Jennifer told us she wanted us to create a first look moment. You know, just like on the wedding day where the groom sees his bride for the first time. Can I just tell you how AMAZING this moment was? Ryan got into position and I changed into the dress real quick. I walked down toward him and had him turn around. I cried. In that moment, my heart could have leaped out of my chest. This man loves me- unconditionally with no limits. A famous quote from Les Miserables says, “To love another is to see the face of God.” I see Jesus in him. And I feel, 1,000%, this man loves me like Jesus loves me.

Our time with Jennifer Morgan Photography was beyond our dreams. God’s creation is indescribable and it’s beyond me that anyone could ever doubt His existence. Our time out west was needed. So needed. We’re back feeling refreshed, more in love and even more trusting that God has a plan. I am who God has made me to be. I’m not where I want to be, but thank God I’m a work in progress. I think Ryan and I would both say we’re a work in progress. We love each other and there’s no doubt about that. And as far as my insecurities go, it’s amazing to me that when I take a step back and stop being selfish in order to see the needs of others, the focus is no longer on myself. I’m a girl. Of course, I am going to have my not so great days, but I realize that I’m never going to be the person God wants me to be if I keep thinking about myself in a way that’s wrong. Take that devil!

Here’s to love…because without it, what do we really have?

Photos by JENNIFER MORGAN PHOTOGRAPHY

The times we have been before we have always stayed a little outside the city. In December we stayed a block away from Times Square and it was A-MA-ZING! Ryan booked at the Hampton Inn on 41st Street. This Hampton Inn was newly renovated, very affordable (well, it was when we booked it but we’ve since learned that the rates have skyrocketed), it was incredibly clean and had a fantastic continental breakfast. It was very close to everything and I would stay there again in a heartbeat (if the price is right, of course)!

As far as food goes, you have literally every option imaginable and it’ll be hard to go wrong with whatever you choose. Ryan would tell you his favorite thing to eat are the gyros from the little food stands…haha!

My favorite restaurant there is an Italian restaurant called Carmine’s. The food there is some of the best Italian food I’ve had. The only downside is everything is family style, so if you order different things you end up with a ton of food leftover. I love the atmosphere there, too!

If you’re an avid cupcake/cake fan like myself, you MUST go to Sprinkles. There are only a few throughout the country and the owner is one of the judges from Cupcake Wars on the Food Network. It will be THE best cupcake and icing you will ever put in your mouth! I recommend vanilla and Ryan would say strawberry.

My other favorite place in NYC is Serendipity 3. The movie Serendipity made it famous, but they have really great dessert like the frozen hot chocolate and cheesecake. The food is delicious but be warned: the menu can be a little overwhelming for some. Most restaurants will have a pretty long wait, so I recommend making reservations if you can. I think most of them you can reserve online through Open Table.

We would definitely recommend going to a Broadway show. They are pricey, but so worth it. The Lion King is an absolute must if you haven’t seen it. I would also recommend Wicked and Matilda. We saw Aladdin while we were there on this trip and I think Ryan and I would both agree that it was “just okay.”

For sightseeing type stuff, the Top of the Rock is INCREDIBLE! I loved it more than going to the top of the Empire State Building. If you plan to do this, definitely reserve and buy tickets online…it will save you on waiting in a really long line to get tickets.

The 911 Memorial and Museum is a must. The museum takes about 2 hours to go through. Incredibly powerful and sobering. I would recommend getting tickets for this in advance as well.

I loved going to Macy’s and just experiencing the hugeness of it. We didn’t go to Central Park, but that is something I definitely want to do in the future. The Brooklyn Bridge was amazing. We took a subway into Brooklyn and walked across the bridge. It was soooo breathtaking (maybe because I’m afraid of bridges and heights…lol!). 

And of course, Times Square at night is amazing. The lights and big screens are just awesome. Grab some Starbucks (which are everywhere you look) and go up to the observation deck area in the middle of Times Square and just soak it all in…you won’t be sorry! 

Last but not least, we decided to wander into St. Patrick’s Cathedral. Wow. We felt the Holy Spirit move in that place and it. was. incredible. We prayed together and it was one of the most special moments ever. Definitely make a point to go here!

Here are more photos from our trip as well as a Super 8 video Ryan put together. So fun!

Let’s just say that the last week of my life has been a complete whirlwind and my world has completely been turned upside down in the most amazing way possible.

Ryan has had quite the summer with work- working 15-20 hour days and planning and hosting 2 big events with his company. I love that he is so committed to his work, but was hating the limited phone conversations, texts, and date nights. I knew coming into the summer that it would be challenging, just because he would be so busy with work. Ryan was always great about calling me when he had the chance and seeing me when he could, but it was still hard. There is NEVER enough time spent with that boy.

So the week of July 26… Ryan is working his last big event with work. It was ending that Wednesday, the 28th. We had planned a week ahead of time to have a date night that Friday night, just ME and HIM. Of course, we planned to go to our favorite place, Hacienda (our favorite Mexican place in Lexington).

Tuesday, July 27: In the middle of the week I get a phone call from Mark, Ryan’s best friend. He called to tell me that he was coming into town that weekend and that he wanted to double date with his girlfriend, Ryan, and I. I was excited at the thought of this, but wanted it to be Saturday night. I was trying to make sure that Friday night was just me and Ryan. I was wanting to spend some good quality time with him and not share him with anyone else. I mean, it had been a good while since I had spent some good time with him. I found out also that day that Ryan had called another good friend, Jeff, who is also in Ryan’s Bible study. He called Jeff to ask him and his wife, Rhonda, to go out on a date with me, Ryan, Nicole, and Mark.

Ok, first…I was livid that Ryan would call Jeff and not me. He can call whoever he wants, but seriously, not when I haven’t had the chance to talk to him at all. If was too busy to call me, how was he not too busy to call Jeff?!? THEN, I found out that he had asked them to dinner and hadn’t really even discussed it with me. He asked everyone out on OUR date night. I was praying real hard for the Lord to help to overlook this. I loved that we were going to go out with our closest friends, but honestly, was a little upset that they were going to go out on “our” date night. I mean, why couldn’t we have done this on Saturday night or something. Anyways…I figured Ryan was just exhausted and wasn’t thinking clearly, and after talking long talks with my sister venting my frustration, she helped me to see that the Friday night date with the other 2 couples would be fun. Whatever.

July 28: Moving day for me. I was moving back to Wilmore that day. I had to go to Ryan’s house to pick up my stuff, because he was sweet enough to let me keep my things there for awhile until I could move back to Wilmore. I had seen Ryan the night before at one of the work events he had planned. It was good to see him, but I just got really sad at the end of the night. I hated the thought of having to leave him, AGAIN, and not getting to see him again until Friday night. And, was still a little peeved that our Friday night date night now included 4 other people.

I got to the house to get my stuff. In front of all my stuff was a letter that he had written me. I sat on the floor. I bawled. I read. I bawled some more. I read. The letter was absolutely precious. He talked about how he promised that he would make it up to me for working so much lately and just thanked me for being patient with him. He told me that he was ready for “us”, and ready for us to be together. Every word in that letter was exactly what I needed to hear. My “lividness” of the Friday night plans were gone and I couldn’t wait to see him.

Friday, July 30: I went to kickboxing that morning with Nicole. Then, we decided to go the pool all day since it was our last day of freedom before having to start work. We had fun all day just hanging out. We decided to carpool to dinner together, since we live close to each other. So, after the pool, I went home and got ready for dinner. I went over to Nicole’s so that we could ride together. We are pulling into the restaurant parking lot and I notice a black stretch limo in front of this Mexican restaurant. I am laughing to Nicole and saying, “Who would come to a Mexican restaurant in a stretch limo.” We pull into the parking place and Ryan’s best friend, Mark, came up to me and hugged me. I’m thinking why aren’t you going over to hug Nicole first? He pulls out from behind his back a single red rose and a card. I start freaking out because I have NO idea what’s going on. Mark pulls my arm, will not let go, and takes me to this limo. Mind you, I’m already red all over my face because I got severely sunburned from the pool that day. Then, more red on top of that because I’m having a spaz attack mixed with lots of blushing. I open the card and it says…
“Brittany, I promised I would make it up to you. Please just get in the limo and watch the DVD. I will see you in a few minutes. Ryan”

I still have no idea what is going on. You think I am joking…oh no! A proposal had not crossed my mind. There was absolutely no way he was going to propose because of how busy he had been with work. I’m still clueless.

I get into the limo (side note- Nicole had taken my cell phone away from me), and try to play the DVD. The first part of the DVD was a note written to me from Ryan. The music in the background was beautiful- the lyrics telling “our” story. I cry. I’m quite emotional at this point. This is the moment where I thought, MAYBE, this could be him setting up to ask me to marry him. The limo takes me to his house, where there are 50 dozen roses…yes, that’s 600 roses. The rose bouquets lined the driveway all the way to the front of the house. I walked and peeked in the front door… more roses, over 100 tea-lights lit, and our favorite song playing in the background. There he was waiting on me with his arms opened wide. He grabbed my hands and looked at me and told me that he had never been so sure of anything in his life. He has never for one moment doubted us. He got down on his knee and asked me to marry him. I said YES!!, grabbed his face and CRIED!! (But that’s not all…scroll past the pics for the rest of the story!)

Oh my goodness, I could not believe this had happened. I had absolutely NO idea about any of this. NONE!

We got back into the limo. It took us back to the restaurant where 30 of our friends were waiting on us. He had a surprise engagement party planned. My other surprise…he took me to Knoxville the next day to see my family and celebrate with them.

July 31: Ryan and I went to the nursing home where he has volunteered for a couple of years. I know a lot of the residents there just from the short time that I have been able to volunteer there also. We took a lot of the roses and handed them out to the women in the nursing home. You talk about happy…I have never seen so many lit up faces over a red rose. They LOVED it. I loved it. I loved it even more that Ryan had arranged for us to do this together.

August 8: I am still in awe of Ryan. He has blown me completely away. He has surpassed any expectation that I have ever had and he is a daily reminder to me of God’s love and blessings.It took some time to get over the shock of being engaged.Ryan and I had talked some about getting married, but I had convinced myself that we would be getting engaged at the end of the year and get married next year. Ryan is my everything. He has helped me to understand God’s love for His children; he has taught me to love and accept myself. He is my best friend, my soul mate, and better half. There is not a day that has gone by that I have questioned his love for me. You know that saying, “You just know when you know.”It’s true. I just knew. Ryan is it. He is the one that I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with. While all the wedding planning can be kind of overwhelming and stressful, I have never been more excited in my life. I am giddy. I am on cloud 9. He has completely swept me off my feet. I will be forever grateful for him.

October 23, 2010: Our wedding day. We’re ready. Why wait?!

Here’s the video Ryan put together that played in the limo: